


The Miles Between Us

by Erisid (Everlast)



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Western AU (kindof), F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-18
Updated: 2017-12-23
Packaged: 2019-01-18 20:15:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 32,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12395409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Everlast/pseuds/Erisid
Summary: Clarke is a single mother of two and the owner of a successful dude ranch. When her foster sister Octavia works on a problem horse for Anya, a new client, Clarke becomes drawn to Anya's mysterious friend. This wouldn't be a problem, but when her ex-wife comes back with sweeping declarations, Clarke must choose between the mother of her children, or the woman with stunning green eyes that hint of an epic romance that could change her life forever.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> It's Clexa meets the world of cattle ranching and horse training.

The airport hummed with activity. Men and women in business suits strode by with large strides, while next to them - in stunning juxtaposition - families wearing Hawaiian shirts and khaki shorts herded their children to their gate. At one gate, a man with bleach-blonde hair leaned lazily against the windows of airport, arms resting on his guitar case. Not far from him, a red-faced mother ushered her screaming three-year old son along the hallway, a passing group of pilots shooting her sympathetic glances.

Far removed from all the traffic, Clarke Griffin sat with her carry-on on her lap, the financial statements for this quarter spread open before her. She adjusted her glasses, sighing. She swears she must have read the same line five times by now. Last night had been rough. She had just finished visiting the Manhattan-affiliate of her mother's restaurant to help finalize the last few details before its grand opening next month, and things had been more difficult that she had expected. The MBA she got four years ago helped a lot when a few unruly board members challenged her proposed model for the restaurant's growth, that coupled with her icy blue glare. After four hours in the boardroom, Clarke had ended up taking some of the plans home with her to better understand what was missing. The Skype conversation she had with her thirteen year old daughter was no less stressful, with Gwen asking if she could go to a weekend retreat the members of her soccer team.

Clarke drank the last few drops of her coffee and stretched her arms skyward. The last few months had been stressful, and she could feel it in the pain at her lower back. A minute vibration in her pocket drew her attention away from her troubles, and she reached into the pocket of her slacks. It was a text from her sister - Octavia. She smiled as she opened it, revealing a photo of her younger daughter Krysta in their kitchen, happily eating an ice cream cone with Octavia grinning widely, clearly enjoying auntie duty. Nothing in the photo, nor the wide smile on her daughter's face would indicate that a major upheaval had occurred not a few months prior. Clarke clenched her jaw subconsciously, the thumb of her left hand touching the empty space on her fourth finger where a wedding ring used to be. 

But she couldn't be angry. Not when she was the one to end things with her wife. She had been the one to call time on their defunct marriage, a relationship whose only good existed in the lives of their daughters. Niylah had been distant for months, and even before that her work caused her to travel from Chilcotin - their home - to Vancouver for extended periods. The constant fighting didn't help either. No, nothing helped. They had become strangers whose only connection to each other was that they shared children. But in the end, Clarke only felt relief and happiness. Niylah had not been happy for a long time either, and ultimately, Clarke discovering that her wife had already started dating again shortly after their separation was the last nail in the coffin.

No, all she wanted now was to focus on motherhood. Her eldest daughter Gwen was currently in her rebellious phase, and Krysta was starting kindergarten in two months. The dude ranch was also brimming with business in the summer months, and with Clarke running short of manpower, she'd been acting as the jane of all trades for weeks. As much as she didn't want to admit it, her sister was right. She needed to hire a new ranch-hand if she wanted to spend more time with her kids. 

Looking at the photo again, Clarke felt a pang of longing, and checked her watch for likely the tenth time since she had sat down. Just then, the flight attendent's voice was broadcasted over the PA calling for boarding. With a jolt of excitement, Clarke quickly shut the manila folder balanced above her suitcase and stood, shoving the file into her purse. She was going home.


	2. Chapter 2

Much earlier than her alarm was supposed to go off this morning, a loud thumping noise sounded from outside her room. Clarke groaned loudly, burrowing her head deeper into her pillows. For a few minutes, there was silence. Then the thumping noise persisted, and with a growl of annoyance, Clarke reached out one hand to her phone on the nightstand. It was only 5am. She had barely gotten more than four hours of sleep. With a low curse, she pushed the covers off and stretched. The sky was still dark when she looked out the windows, yet if she listened carefully she could hear her father moving around downstairs in the kitchen already.

The second her bare feet touched the cold hardwood floor, she heard low whining from beyond the closed door of her bedroom. Of course, it was the dog. Clarke quickly tied her hair up into a messy bun before she opened the door. Sure enough, Rossi was sitting right there in the hallway waiting for her. "Hey girl." Clarke said groggily, reaching down to pet the border collie's dark brown head. The dog gave her hand a sloppy wet kiss, and she smiled despite the annoyance she had felt earlier. "Let's go get some coffee." Clarke said, and the dog wagged her tail eagerly, circling Clarke's legs as she made her way down to the kitchen, careful to be quiet enough not to wake the kids as she passed their rooms.

"Morning, dad." Clarke greeted him quietly as she walked into the kitchen. The smell of strong coffee was already permeating through the entire house. The kitchen table already had some blueberry muffins out, and Jake Griffin, seated at the kitchen table, mug in one hand and the paper in the other, gave her a wide grin. "Morning Clarke!" He said cheerily. Too happy for 5 in the morning, in her opinion. She shuffled over to the cabinet and retrieved her cup, leaning tiredly against the kitchen sink as she filled it with coffee. "You're up early today." Jake observed, eyes glued to the paper.

"Well someone woke me up." Clarke intoned, giving Rossi a look as she took a sip of the wondrous, God-sent coffee. The dog was now stretched out under the table, her intelligent brown eyes watching Clarke as she moved to get herself some eggs for breakfast. "What are you doing today?" She asked as she set up the frying pan and started whisking the eggs in a bowl.

"Well your mom is going down to the restaurant since they're short on help today." Jake began as he wiped some residual muffin crumbs from his moustache. " As for me I'm going to check on the herd. Lincoln told me that he saw one of our Herefords out by the road when he was driving into town yesterday." Jake said before taking another healthy swig of coffee.

"The road?" Clarke was surprised. "Why would one of ours be wandering so far from the mountain pasture?"

"That's what I'm trying to find out." Jake said as he folded the paper, leaning back on the chair casually. "What do you say I bring Gwen with me today?" He asked. "I could use some help, and that horse of hers could do with more exposure to the family business."

"That's a great idea." Clarke smiled as she scooped up the eggs from the pan and placed the bowl on the table. "As long as she's back in time for her afternoon tutoring session."

"No problem." Jake grinned. "So you're going to keep hiring that boy to teach her math when you know she likes him?" He asked, eyebrow raised in question, and Clarke rolled her eyes as she sat down across from him.

"Yes dad, Aaron's a good tutor for her, and Gwen's actually been learning a lot more than she has when I was teaching her." Just the mention of their one-on-one math sessions gave Clarke a retrograde migraine. "So what if she likes him, it's not like they can do anything when they're studying right here in the dining room." She said with finality before digging into her eggs.

Jake raised both hands out in surrender, pushing out of his chair. "All right! I guess you're right." He said, a hint of teasing in his voice as he picked up his empty mug and put it in the sink. "Just don't be surprised when you see something you don't want to see." He grinned, and Clarke reached out to punch him on the shoulder as he leaned against the kitchen counter.

"See what?" Octavia chose that moment to join them from the loft, hanging her stetson on the hat hook and wiping her boots on the mat before striding into the kitchen, travel mug in hand and as she made a beeline to the coffee machine.

"Dad thinks that Gwen likes Aaron." Clarke stated, and Octavia grinned and turned to her sister as she filled her mug.

"Well yes." Octavia smirked. "It's kind of hard not to notice that." The brunette pointed out. "But it's not like they're going to make-out right here in the kitchen."

"Okay first, ew." Clarke groaned. "Second of all, unless there are signs that he likes her back, there will be no kissing of any kind in this house." She said sternly, and Octavia raised her eyebrows as she shared a bemused look with Jake.

"Okay, Clarke." Octavia said, reaching over to pat her older sister on the shoulder. "I'm sure they'll be fine. And Gwen's a smart kid, she won't do anything stupid."

"Thank you." Clarke sighed, before shovelling the rest of her breakfast into her mouth. Octavia shook her head with amusement before she capped her mug.

"Well on that note, I will be going." She smirked, before moving to give Jake a hug. "I've got a few horses to exercise this morning, and a new client is coming in around 2 this afternoon." Octavia nudged Clarke fondly, and the blonde gave her a quick hug as well.

"And I'll go get Gwen." Jake said as he pushed off of the counter. "See you later sweetheart." He called to Octavia as he started up the stairs with Rossi in tow, whistling a merry tune as he went. Clarke groaned as she sipped her coffee, headache already forming as she thought of the list of things she was supposed to get through today.  She was clearly not a morning person.

* * *

 

The sun was shining brightly over the Griffin ranch acreage as Clarke drove in from town. She had just finished some errands and had checked in on the visitors at the dude ranch. To her relief, the new ranch-hand was handling things quite well, and the delight was evident among her guests as they hit the trail today on horseback. It was nice to know they were enjoying themselves. As much as Clarke hated all the stress that came with the minor details of running the business, she still took great joy in knowing that the people who came were still very much regaled with the natural beauty that the Chilcotin back-country offered. 

Clarke was pulling into the gravel driveway when she caught sight of Octavia in the exercise pen with a horse. Next to the pen, two women were perched on the sturdy oak rails, their lean figures relaxed as they watched the brunette work.

Clarke parked her car and stepped out of the driver's seat, popping the trunk to collect the groceries. Her hands were full when she looked once more at where her sister was lunging the new horse. It was at that heartbeat that one of the women turned her head, and Clarke was met with the greenest eyes she had ever seen. The woman met her gaze steadily, and Clarke couldn't look away. She had sharp cheekbones and a well-angled jaw, brown hair braided back from around her face and half covered by the silver belly stetson on her head. Their gaze was heated, electric, and Clarke vaguely remembered in the back of her mind that she was standing there, carrying three bags of groceries, hair a mess, while this women in her green plaid shirt and her jeans looked like she had just jumped out of a Western fashion catalogue, in such stunning juxtaposition that she almost laughed. But she couldn't look anywhere else, this woman was so captivating with her steady gaze and sharp jaw-

"Mom do you need help with that?" Clarke was jolted out of her daze when Gwen rounded the car to the trunk, head cocked to one side as she surveyed her mother. Immediately, Clarke snapped to attention, trying to hide the flush of her cheeks as she broke eye contact with the stranger to answer her daughter. 

"Hi Gwen, of course, thank you." She said, and she allowed Gwen to take one of the bags off her hands. Her daughter was pretty tanned from the two months of summer vacation, having spent the majority of those months out on the range with her grandfather and the other ranch-hands. Her windblown brown hair was tied up in a ponytail, her jeans stained with dirt, likely from the morning ride with Jake.

"How was your tutoring session?" Clarke asked as they walked up the steps of the deck and into the house. 

"Good, the usual." Gwen groaned, eyes rolling slightly. "I learned some more statistics stuff, nothing too interesting." She said as she helped her mom put away the groceries. 

"Statistics is actually very interesting." Clarke said distractedly as she put away a new box of cereal in the pantry. "I know you don't really like math, but it's very important for the future. Especially for business jobs, like your grandmother's restaurant. It tells you a lot about the demographic of customers and whether you're reaching your target groups." 

"Yea cool." Gwen brushed off her statement with boredom. "Can I go see what Octavia's doing?" She asked. Clarke closed the pantry door and looked at Gwen. 

"Have you finished all your chores?" She asked, hands on her hips.

"Yes mom, of course." Gwen answered quickly, and she gave Clarke a wide smile. "Please?" Clarke grinned at her daughter's eagerness, stern expression softening considerably.

"Yes, go ahead." She barely finished her sentence when Gwen bustled quickly out the door, and she shook her head with amusement. Ever since Gwen had been adopted into their family three years ago, the girl had instantly become drawn to the animals on the ranch. Horses, dogs, cats, the occasional hedgehog, the girl was animal crazy. Without Gwen's connection to her horse Belle, Clarke knew that the girl wouldn't have settled in quite as well. Granted, recent events had questioned the girl's coping abilities, especially the separation. Niylah's departure had hit her hard, and Clarke knew that the fragile trust they had cultivated over the years had been slightly cracked. But they were starting to build it back up, and Clarke was grateful for her family stepping up to help. Octavia had been great with Gwen, not a surprise since Octavia had also been adopted by the Griffins when she was five years old. Krysta on the other hand, had been too young to notice the difference, and Niylah's constant travels hardly made her a constant in their kids' lives. Either way, Clarke was glad it was all over. All that remained, was her focusing on her kids. Nothing else mattered.

"Nothing else matters." Clarke repeated it out loud like a mantra, and she took a deep breath to steady herself.

On that note, Clarke set about to wash the few dishes in the sink, no doubt left by her teenage daughter. She was in the middle of finishing up when she looked out the window and saw the woman again. She was leaning against the parked trailer, toned forearms crossed across her chest as she watched her friend - Anya, the other woman, a blonde with cheekbones just as sharp, and calculating brown eyes - talk to Octavia. Gwen was walking the horse in circles around the pen, one hand running soothingly across the horse's chestnut neck. Clarke watched as the woman in green opened her mouth and called something out to Octavia, who smiled and responded. Clarke couldn't hear anything, but she watched - somewhat creepily, but it had been a while since she had seen anyone so...asthetically pleasing - as the woman conversed with her sister. Her neck, long and elegant, and her shoulders strong as she pushed confidently off of the trailer and walked over the to the fencing to say something. Clarke was compelled suddenly to go outside and join them, but she knew it would be odd. Instead, she sighed, forearm deep in sudsy water as she watched the two women talk to her sister for a few more minutes before they got ready to leave.

When the woman in green turned and walked towards her truck, Clarke swore those brilliant green eyes looked up, intelligent gaze scanning. But scanning for what? Clarke thought. Whatever it was, the woman shook her head slightly and joined her friend in the truck, driving away and taking whatever Clarke was feeling with it. But then why was she still feeling so heated, so alive?

* * *

 

"So who was that?" Clarke asked as she walked over to Octavia in the barn. The brunette was cleaning a bridle with a piece of cloth, hat on the hay bale next to her. She looked over her shoulder at Clarke as she sat down on an empty stool across from her, one hand reaching out to pet Harley, Octavia's horse. 

"My new client?" Octavia asked quizzically as she watched her sister play with Harley's black forelock. "Anya's a trainer over at Birch River Ranch, her horse isn't responding to conventional methods so she brought her here." She answered, head cocking to one side as she finished cleaning her horse's bridle, setting the dirty cloth to one side. "Why do you ask?"

"Oh, no reason." Clarke answered casually as she petted Harley's velvet nose. "Who was she with?" She asked, trying to maintain her careless facade. "I thought she looked familiar, that's all." She didn't look away from her study of the horse's soft nose and gentle eyes. If she did, she would have seen the slowly forming smirk on Octavia's face.

"Oh, you mean Lexa?" Octavia prompted her, and Clarke shrugged, trying to keep her laid-back demeanour somewhat convincing. Never mind the sudden pounding of her heart as she went over the stranger's name in her head.

"That's her name?" Clarke said, looking up at her sister. "Just Lexa?" Octavia moved to sit on the hay bale, taking her hat in one hand. 

"Yea, just Lexa." She answered. "She just got into town a few days ago, been on the road for a while." She said, cocking one eyebrow at Clarke. "Why do you ask?"

"No reason," Clarke said as she leaned back against Harley's stall door. "I've just never seen her around before. Curiosity." She added lamely, and Octavia gave her a knowing smile.

"Hmm. Really." Octavia hummed. "So it has nothing to do with the fact that she is totally your type?" Clarke gave her an indignant look.

"My type?" She said incredulously. "She's a cowgirl, and if she's on the road all the time, definitely not my type." She argued. "I prefer stable people who don't take off all the time." Clarke deflected, not meeting her inquisitive sister's gaze.

"And that's why you're not with Niylah anymore, am I right?" Octavia asked, and Clarke rolled her eyes at her sister.

"Yes, Octavia." She said. "Which is why another person who is likely to drive off and not come back is exactly not what I'm looking for." Clarke stated, crossing her arms.

"Sure." Octavia agreed easily, dropping the subject to humour her sister. She knew just how much Clarke had hated Niylah's constant travels. Lived it, and watched as her sister had powered on, parenting by herself for much longer than they had officially called time on their relationship. It was time she moved on. "By the way, how was your date last night?" Octavia asked as she stood up, brushing off some hay from her jeans. 

"It was bad." Clarke sighed, and when Octavia offered a hand, she took it with a smile, and the two sisters started walking out to the pasture together. "The guy was such a sleaze." She groaned. "He asked if I was into threesomes." Octavia laughed loudly, patting Clarke on the shoulder.

"I'm sorry." She said comfortingly. "But I gotta say, guys are pigs these days." She chuckled. "Except for Lincoln." At the mention of her sister's fiancé , Clarke grinned and bumped Octavia's hip.

"Speaking of which, how is the wedding planning going?" She asked, and Octavia shook her head. The two of them walked along the fencing, their horses grazing calmly in the late afternoon sun.

"Don't remind me!" She exhaled loudly. "We just want a simple wedding, we could do the ceremony in the barn for all I care, but Abby is doing all this wedding planning and its just too much!" Octavia complained, and Clarke squeezed her waist bracingly.

"I know all about that." She said. "Remember when she got mad because Niylah and I said we wanted something 'low-key'?"

"And Dad had to rein her in like he reins in Nitro?" Octavia added, and the two women laughed loudly at the mention of Lincoln's fiery Appaloosa gelding. Clarke's horse Vixen chose that moment to whinny loudly at them, and she smiled and abandoned her sister to approach the bay horse. 

The mare walked up the fence, reaching out for cuddles, which Clarke obliged easily as she rubbed Vixen's cheeks and planted a kiss on her forehead. Octavia approached them, leaning her arms against the fence. "She missed you when you were in New York." She said, and Clarke sighed, not taking her eyes away from her beloved horse.

"Probably a lot more than the girls did." Clarke complained good-naturedly, and Octavia let out a huff of laughter. 

"Krysta missed you." She argued. She made a point of looking around, perching her black stetson up away from her eyes. "Where is she anyway?"

"Mom took her into town for ballet." Clarke answered, giving Vixen one last kiss before the horse bobbed her head and made her way to join the rest of the family herd. Octavia nodded, watching as the mare trotted away from the fence line. The horse looked like she still had a lot of energy in her. Clarke had been meaning to take her out for a ride, but things at the dude ranch had gotten a little hectic.

"Since you have some free time, why don't we tack up Vix and Loco and go up by Soda Creek?" Octavia suggested, and Clarke nodded. 

"Lets do it!" She agreed, and Octavia walked over to the gate to collect their horses. Clarke looked around the ranch, eyes roaming across the barn house, the front yard. It was a picture-perfect summer afternoon, and making her way over from the barn was Gwen with Rossi barking excitedly at her heels. Clarke smiled and waved her over. 

When the two of them joined her at the fence, Clarke put an arm around Gwen's shoulders. "Your aunt and I are going to go out for a ride up to Soda Creek, want to join us?"

"Sure!" Gwen said eagerly, and Clarke smiled, squeezing her shoulder lightly. 

"Okay, go get Belle ready." She gave her daughter a gentle nudge, and Gwen started off down to the barn. Before she walked any further, she turned around, the rosy glow of the afternoon turning her brown hair a light shade of hazel.

"Hey Mom?" 

"Yes, sweetie?" Clarke smiled encouragingly at her, and Gwen bit her lip with slight embarrassment before she answered her.

"I love you." She mumbled the words, but Clarke heard it, and her gaze softened even more as she fondly watched her daughter's retreating back. It was good to be home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is basically a passion project of mine. I've been involved with the horse world for most of my life, and combining it with these characters is basically a dream come true for me. As for updates, they will be hard to predict as it will depend on my busy schedule and whether I'm hit with an idea for a chapter in the middle of studying (FML). Anyway, I hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoy writing this!
> 
> Rider - Horse (in case anyone cares lol)  
> Clarke - Vixen  
> Octavia - Harley  
> Lincoln - Nitro  
> Gwen - Belle  
> Jake - Bucephalus "Beau"
> 
> *more to be revealed when Lexa and Anya's ranch is visited*


	3. Chapter 3

"Krysta can you please put your shoes on?" Clarke tried to keep the frustration out of her tone as she hastily assembled her youngest daughter's lunch for kindergarten. She had overslept. Her alarm was supposed to go off at 5:30, yet for some reason she must have either dismissed it herself or it simply had not rung, because two hours later Clarke had opened her eyes, stretching luxuriously. The sideways glance at the nightstand and the red neon letters immediately jolted her up from the bed. Luckily her body was not used to sleeping for too long, which was a lifesaver, but as it was, Clarke was frazzled.

Gwen breezed through the kitchen, backpack hanging on one shoulder and messy blonde hair swept up into a ponytail.  The teen reached out and grabbed her already prepared, cellophane-wrapped lunch and tossed it into her bag, zipping it up before collecting her bike helmet and shoes at the hallway. "Gwen you have soccer practice after school so I will pick you up at the fields at 6." Clarke called after her, and Gwen simply threw an affirmative hum over her shoulder before she made her way out the door to bike to school. 

Meanwhile, Krysta was in the midst of tying her laces but was obviously struggling while the dog whined, desperate to be let out for a run. Clarke looked hastily at her watch, and with a low groan, moved to help her daughter. Before she could, she heard her father's steps on the porch, followed by Rossi's eager pawsteps as she bolted outdoors and Jake's loud voice seconds later. "Well good morning Krysta! Need some help with those laces?" He was already bending down onto one knee to help her, and Clarke let out a sigh of relief. "Thanks Dad!" She called to him as she quickly finished wrapping up Krysta's sandwich and placed it in her lunch box. 

"That's no problem at all, I love spending time with my darling granddaughter!" Jake grinned at Krysta, who gave him a toothy smile in return. "Thanks Grandpa!" Krysta said cheerily. "Mommy, Grandpa helped me tie my shoes!"

"That's great sweetie." Clarke answered as she continued to bustle about the kitchen to grab her coffee mug. She was a tornado of activity as she put Krysta's lunch in her backpack and grabbed her coat. It was late September, and the weather was already beginning to have that cold bite, she thought distractedly. 

"All right, lets get going." Clarke patted her pockets to double check that her keys were there before she ushered Krysta out the door, giving Jake another grateful smile. He simply touched the brim of his Stetson, the usual happy-go-lucky expression on his moustached face. 

Mother and daughter made their way out to the SUV, and as she buckled Krysta in her booster, she heard hooves on gravel. "Hey Clarke, if you see Abby later today can you let her know I'll be busy at Birch River? Indra wants some extra hands on deck for these new horses coming in and she invited me to take a look at that new Walker." Octavia requested, sitting atop Harley. 

"Yes, yes I'll pass that along." Clarke promised distractedly as she closed the back door and hopped into the driver's seat. Rolling the window down, she added: "You know, you can't keep avoiding Mom, eventually she's going to corner you, and you'll just have to give her the news yourself."

"Helpful advice, I'll keep that in mind!" Octavia shouted after her as she nudged Harley to a canter. Clarke watched the pair go, shaking her head in slight amusement before she buckled in and began the long commute for a long day. Delightful.

* * *

 

She had just finished checking in on the week's guests at the dude ranch and was driving back to the house when she saw _her_ again. The last time she had seen Lexa, it was months ago, in the middle of summer when Anya had brought her horse over. Since then, despite Clarke attempting to ignore her feeling of anticipation, Anya had sadly returned by herself, the other woman's absence evident. Which made her presence now odd.

Curious, Clarke parked and gathered her bag, stepping out of the vehicle and searching for the other woman. Lexa was leaning against the fencing at the corral, long, toned limbs relaxed as she observed Octavia working on another horse. It was different than the one Anya had brought before. This one was midnight black, with a lighter mane and tail. The horse looked positively wild in its movement, nostrils flaring and eyes intelligent as it sized up its companion in the corral. Octavia stood tall in the middle, her posture straight and confident as the horse snorted at her. With a lead rope in one hand, Octavia clucked at the horse. The horse refused to move, but when Octavia began to swing the rope in a wide arching motion, it began to boredly trot in a circle, following her lead. 

Clarke made her way over, standing at the fencing. She was about two feet away from Lexa, who barely acknowledged her. Polite, Clarke thought, but then, the show before them was much more interesting. 

Octavia clucked encouragingly after the horse, whose mane waved in the wind as it cantered around her. It was cooperating. After a couple turns around the ring, Lexa made a low humming sound in her throat, which Clarke couldn't help reacting to. It was like her body was on fire from that one noise that the woman had made. Clarke tried to hide the sudden flushed appearance and gaze with much more intensity at the corral. In the ring, the horse tossed his head, Octavia clucking at him to go a few more times around the ring. Then with an imperceptible nod to herself, Octavia stopped the motion of the rope, and turned away from the horse, showing her back to it. Clarke had seen her do this many times. The key was to get the horse to follow her, to recognize her as the lead mare of their own little herd. It had worked countless times.  Beside her, she knew Lexa also watched with bated breath.

For a few heartbeats, the horse lifted its head and looked at Octavia's back. But after a snort, the horse simply turned away, recalcitrant and stubborn. Lexa released a pent-up breath. "Well, at least you tried." She offered Octavia, who coiled up the rope and shook her head in disappointment.

"I guess he's just not ready." Octavia conceded, the disappointment written clearly on her face. She noticed Clarke standing by the fence, and she grinned widely. "Clarke! How was the visit to the dude ranch?" Her voice was chipper, and by the look on her features and the hint of a shit-eating grin on the corner of her lips Clarke knew what she was going to do even before the brunette did it.

"It was good, the usual." She said, and Lexa's eyes were suddenly on her. Surprise lit up those brilliant green eyes, and she immediately pushed off of the fenceline.

"I'm so sorry, I should introduce myself." Lexa said, offering a hand for Clarke to shake. The instant their hands met, Clarke felt a jolt of electricity. "My name is Lexa, I'm a friend of Anya Rivers, the head tr-"

"Trainer at Birch River Ranch." Clarke finished for her, a soft smile on her lips. "I'm Clarke Griffin, Octavia's sister. Nice to meet you, officially of course." She said. At that, Lexa raised one eyebrow and Clarke rushed to elaborate. "I mean, we kind of saw each other in the summer, but I guess we didn't get around to actually introducing ourselves."

"Right." Lexa seemed to remember, and she gave a tentative, polite smile in return. Clarke was content to bask in that smile, in the gaze that the other woman was directing at her. That was, until Octavia cleared her throat behind Lexa, face clearly seen by Clarke from over the other brunette's shoulder. Immediately, Clarke cleared her throat, and noticing at she was still holding Lexa's hand, released it quickly, a slight flush on her cheeks. Lexa similarly looked away, adjusting the brim of her hat before shoving her hands into the pockets of her jeans. 

"Okay." Octavia said, a shit-eating grin on her face that only Clarke saw. "Anyway, Lex you can leave 'Mr. Tough Guy' here for now, I know you weren't planning on leaving him overnight but why don't we work on him tomorrow when you have time?" She suggested, and Lexa seemed grateful for Octavia's sudden appearance.

"That works, thanks again." She reached over and shook Octavia's hand again, sending one more look at the horse pacing about in the corral before she started towards her truck. Before she moved even a few steps however, she stopped and turned to meet Clarke's gaze. "It was a pleasure, Miss Griffin." She touched the brim of her hat, and Clarke smiled. "See you around, Lexa." She responded, and the brunette nodded once more before she got into her truck and drove off.

Octavia waited until her truck disappeared from view as it went over the little hill before she turned to Clarke. "Well then, someone got lost in Lexa's eyes." She mimicked a girl swooning, teeth flashing in a wide smile. "She's practically the McSteamy of cattle county anyway." She nudged the blonde with her elbow. "Good choice." 

"Shut up." Clarke groaned, shoving Octavia's shoulder. "And we talked about this, she's kind of too rough around the edges for me." Octavia raised her eyebrows.

"Because she's Anya's friend?" She guessed, and Clarke shook her head.

"Because you said she's always out of town, and by the looks of it she doesn't seem like a stable person."

"Woah wait a minute," Octavia openly chuckled, "I get you haven't dated in a while, but you've got this all wrong." Clarke frowned, and Octavia continued. "Lexa didn't originally live here full-time, she just came back and forth to visit Indra, her aunt. She used to work as a strategist for some senator in Virginia until she decided to move back."

Clarke was silent for a moment, taking the time to process this new information. "Why did she move back?" She asked, and Octavia shrugged. 

"Who knows." She supplied, rather unhelpfully. "I asked Anya the same thing and she says it's Lexa's story to tell." She tilted her head to one side. "Come to think of it, Lexa's pretty guarded about the subject."

Clarke hummed. She just couldn't shake that feeling when they had shook hands. "Shehe does seem well-mannered." 

"It doesn't hurt that she's totally hot either." Octavia added, and Clarke shot her a look. The brunette shrugged once more. "Hey I'm just saying, if you go for her, I'm sure she'd be interested too."

"Shut up." Clarke repeated, already starting to make her way along the gravel pathway to the house. But her curiosity got the better of her, and she stopped and turned around. Octavia seemed to have predicted this, because the brunette had not moved one inch. "What do you mean she'd be interested?"

Octavia chortled. "You are so helpless." She snorted. "Did you not notice the way she was looking at _you_?" She asked. "Because it wasn't just you with the red face, she was pretty embarrassed when I interrupted your little hand-holding session." Clarke huffed. Despite her teasing words, Octavia was right. 

"Well, cool." Clarke said. "IF I was interested in going for her." She added before she turned and continued her march up the path.

"Wait a minute," Octavia jogged up after her, "What do you mean, if you were interested?" She pulled the blonde to a stop with one hand on her bicep. "I though you wanted to try dating again?"

"I don't know, Octavia." Clarke sighed, gently extricating her arm away from the other woman. "Just this morning I was struggling with getting the girls ready for school, but even then I seem to have this single mother thing down." She crossed her arms, biting her lip. "What if dating just messes things up?"

"It won't." Octavia reassured her. "No one can juggle things better than you can, and do it well." Clarke gave her a disbelieving glance, and Octavia nudged her good-naturedly. "Come on, give it a chance. Besides, Lincoln and I can help with the girls, just like Abby and Jake do right now." The blonde looked at her sister's encouraging smile, and sighed.

"Fine." She agreed. 

* * *

 

Lexa was in the corral the next afternoon. The horse was trotting in circles around her as she urged the horse into a canter, only slightly aware of the audience she had. Clarke and Octavia leaned against the sturdy oak, the blonde's locks loose and wavy as she watched. Beside her, Octavia perched casually on the fence, pleased to have someone else do the work while she observed the horse. He was like a work of art, with a strong neck, long lines and a broad head, all muscle under a sleek black pelt moving in the Fall sunlight, the weather unusually warm and reminiscent of summer.

"Look at that shoulder action." Octavia praised the stallion as he cantered, his hooves kicking up dust. "I've never seen such excellent form on a mustang before." 

"Anya thinks he's got some Spanish blood in him." Lexa supplied as she kept the horse moving. "That's why she got Echo to bring him up from Reno at the BLM auction."

"The what?" Clarke asked quizzically, and Octavia filled her in.

The Bureau of Land Management." She answered. "They round up wild mustangs down there, auction off as many as they can, sometimes put down others."

"It helps keep the wild population under wraps." Lexa added as she continued working with the stallion. "Ranchers down in Nevada don't really like them, argue the horses shouldn't be on prime cattle-grazing land."

"That's bullshit." Clarke exclaimed, outrage peppering her voice. "The ranchers up here hardly complain about the horses, and cattle are more like invasive species than horses."

"That's politics for you." Octavia hummed with the sound of a person who had heard and fought this war before. "People suck." She concluded, and both Clarke and Lexa snorted lightly at her words.

"Well not every person." Lexa chuckled, glancing at the two women comprising her audience before she directed her full attention to the horse once more. 

"Did you see that, she totally was looking at you." Octavia muttered to Clarke under her breath so Lexa wouldn't hear, and the blonde rolled her eyes.

"Don't say that, she's probably just being friendly." Clarke responded quickly, purportedly avoiding Octavia's knowing gaze. Instead, she watched as Lexa slowly but surely started making headway with the horse.

The brunette was standing there in a white henly and dark jeans, her silverbelly Stetson hanging on the fence post, abandoned temporarily as she worked. As Clarke recalled what she had been told about Lexa, about her history working in politics, she could hardly believe how effortlessly the brunette had reacquainted herself with life here. She looked like any other experienced, strong and silent cowgirl with skin darkened by long hours out in the sun. There wasn't a trace of that cunning, suit-wearing and smartphone-wielding world of American politics at all. No, Lexa looked like a character that had jumped right out of the pages of a romance novel. The muscles in her arm rippled as she rotated the lead rope, encouraging the horse to move with her. She was fluid and sure as she guided the horse with an expert touch, and in stark contrast to yesterday, the horse was seemingly willing to listen, ears flicking up and trained on her.

It was like a dance. Together, horse and woman moved in complete synchronization. Under the heat of the sun, both creatures stepped together with evident connection. Lexa's brow was slightly coated with sweat, a few drops trickling down her throat and to her exposed collarbone. Clarke felt a stirring within her lower abdomen, and she subtly shifted her legs as she attempted to ignore her body's response to the attractive woman. Octavia seemed to notice, because she elbowed her quickly. Clarke quickly stopped her staring and she pushed off of the fence. "I'll go get some water, since you both have been working for a while." She said before she turned and walked off as quickly as she could.

When she returned, three bottles of water in hand, Lexa was standing with her back to the horse. Octavia was completely silent as Clarke rejoined her, and she was just as aware not to interrupt this moment. 

Lexa looked out towards the acreage, purposely ignoring the stallion behind her. Clarke noticed Octavia gripping the fence tightly, knuckles white with the pressure she exerted as they watched.

The horse's ears pointed towards Lexa, his eyes questioning. He seemed unsure as to why she had stopped and turned away. The horse whinnied deep in his throat, but when Lexa still refused to acknowledge him, he began tentatively putting one hoof in front of the other, and another, until his nose was right up against the spot between Lexa's shoulder blades.

Clarke grinned, Octavia whistling lowly in evident surprise, impressed. Meanwhile, Lexa turned to the horse, a cautiously victorious look on her face. Slowly, she lifted one hand, and when he still did not move away, she placed it on his muzzle. He pushed back at her, nickering softly, and her smile became wide and bright.

"Damn, that is impressive!" Octavia praised the other woman, who shot her a lopsided grin before her eyes flickered towards Clarke, who gave her an equally proud look.

"You earned it." Clarke agreed. She raised one hand, offering a bottle of cold water to her. Lexa accepted it with a grateful smile as she walked over and took it from her, their fingers brushing slightly as the bottle exchanged ownership. Again, Clarke felt that jolt within her when they touched, and masked her reaction to it with a shy smile. 

Lexa brushed some sweat from her brow as she drank, eyes wandering back to the horse. He had walked up behind her, sniffing curiously at the bottle she held. Clarke watched as Lexa interacted with the horse, content to simply exist as she watched the bond between them grow. He looked just as tired as she did, and Octavia seemed to take that as her cue.

"Why don't I take him to the back and get him some water?" Lexa seemed ready to protest, but Octavia was quick to cut her off. "I insist, you look like you could use a break." She added, and Lexa nodded resignedly, leaning against the fence.

As Octavia led the horse away, Clarke turned back to Lexa. The woman seemed drained, but happy. She reached out to her left and took Lexa's hat off from the fence post, dusting it off before offering it to her. Lexa took it by the brim, accepting with a hum of thanks.

"Octavia rarely ever gets so giddy watching other people succeed with horses she can't win over." Clarke said, and Lexa chuckled before she took another gulp of water.

"Well she's got a reputation to uphold, though sometimes it really takes a connection with some of them." Lexa sighed as she bent down and planted the bottle between her booted feet. She ran a hand through her hair before putting her hat on. "Thanks for watching, I actually kind of liked the company." She said, and Clarke returned the smile.

"And I liked watching you work." Clarke said. "The two of you moved like dancers in your own world." Lexa shuffled one boot, a slight blush on her cheeks as Clarke added "It was like poetry in motion."

"I don't know." Lexa argued with mild embarrassment at the praise Clarke was giving her. "I haven't done this sort of thing for a while." She met Clarke's gaze steadily. "I've actually only been back here for a few months." She rubbed the back of her neck. "It's still a bit of a shocker, waking up to this town every day, going out to the range, working with these horses."

"Was it very different from where you lived before you came back?" Clarke asked, careful not to overstep. Lexa seemed to take a deep breath, chest expanding imperceptibly before she answered.

"Very." She almost frowned. "I wasn't as happy." Her eyes had a faraway look in them, and Clarke reached out a hand to bump her arm in an attempt to lighten her mood.

"Well with views like this, it's hard not to be happy now." Clarke gestured with her head to their surroundings, her tone light and friendly, and Lexa's attention snapped back to meet her blue eyes, her own gaze softening. "Yeah, I would agree with that." Lexa noted, and as she looked at her with a nervously gentle gaze, the blonde had a feeling they were talking about different 'views'.

The moment was abruptly broken when Gwen's voice sounded behind Clarke. "Mom, Grandma wants you to talk to you." Immediately, both Clarke and Lexa looked away. Clarke cleared her throat and turned to face her daughter. "Sure, I'll be there in a minute." She promised her, trying to appear as innocent as she could. Gwen seemed to look quizzically at her and Lexa, suspicion in her brown eyes as she gave the latter one last look before she made her way back to the house.

There was an awkward silence between them before Lexa straightened her posture, adjusting her hat. "You have a daughter?" She asked, and Clarke wasn't sure if she was imagining the stiffness in her tone or not.

"Two actually." She returned her gaze to look Lexa in the eye. "My other daughter, Krysta,  is 5 years old, just started kindergarten." The other woman seemed to take this in slowly, but there wasn't that tell-tale look of panic in her eyes that was usually present when Clarke disclosed this information to the past few people she'd tried dating these last months. Instead, there was acceptance and resignation that flashed across Lexa's face before she quickly masked it with a look of polite interest.

"You and your husband must be proud." She said in a clipped, polite tone as she bent down and retrieved her bottle, moving off to the open gate before Clarke could correct her. But she wasn't going to let her go without clarifying.

"Actually, ex-wife." Clarke called after Lexa's retreating back. She saw the other woman stop and turn mouth open and eyes wide and apologetic, but Gwen called her name again, this time more insistent. With an small smile directed towards Lexa that tingled with the promise of a better explanation soon, she went after her daughter. But as she walked, she swore she sensed Lexa's understanding green gaze following her for a few heartbeats. For the first time since she had officially became an divorcee, she felt butterflies.

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

It was a relatively wet, dreary afternoon. Lexa sat atop her ever-dependable Quarter Horse Tenuem, keen green eyes tracking the movements of the Birch River lead bull. It chewed with a bored expression, other cattle lowing quietly as they grazed.

The trees were beginning to drop their leaves, the orange-red leaving a carpet of colour over the yellow fields. The winds blew loudly, the rain drizzling with the rapidly darkening clouds promising more.

And within minutes, Lexa's stockman duster was dripping wet, and she raised one gloved hand to adjust the brim of her stetson. Below her Tenuem curled his muscular grey neck, snorting impatiently. The horse had been her's since she was five years old. She still remembered when her father - Indra's younger brother - had brought her to the barn in the middle of the night. The rain had pattered hard against the roof, and her green eyes were wide with wonder as she watched her first horse come into this world. That was twenty years ago. Now her father was gone. The last time she saw him, he had flown down to watch her convocation for graduate school. Then he had left, and she hadn't spoken a word to him until a day before he had died. A heart attack. It was sudden, and she was in Arlington when he had died in the middle of Empire Valley with only his horse for company.

And Tenuem, her ever trusty steed, had aged considerably. His coat had turned a paler shade of gray, his movements not as sharp as they once were. But she was here now, and she wasn't going to miss anything else. And right now, she could tell from the bunching of his shoulders and the shuffling of his hooves that he was desperate for some action, not content with merely watching the Herefords grazing calmly despite the quickly falling downpour. She patted his neck with a gloved hand, murmuring reassurances to the cow horse.

She continued to watch the herd with a calculating eye, jaw clenching with eagerness. This was her first winter ranging in a long time. She couldn't remember the last time she was here, at this exact spot. It might have been ten years - give or take a few - yet she could already feel the familiarity settling in her bones. It was something that felt right, deep within her. She had come back for this after all. 

She heard a loud snort, and Lexa cast her eyes out towards the lead bull, his horns raised as he gave her a blank stare. Evidently, he did not consider her a threat, instead huffing loudly, the breath condensing in the cold fall air.

With one last gaze, Lexa touched her heels to Tenuem's side, and the two began the journey down the mountain pasture.

* * *

 

"You'll never believe who called me!" Anya's voice was loud in the dim of the barn. 

Lexa glanced up from her current task, hands expertly brushing Tenuem's coat with a curry comb. Her jacket and hat were abandoned by the heater, her jeans still damp and her socks moderately soaked. But the care of her horse always came first. That's why she was here, rainwater dripping all over the concrete floor as she gave Ten the typical five-star treatment he was used to.

Anya marched right up to Lexa's side, an annoyed expression plastered on her face. "Lexa, can you pay attention for one second please?"

"What could possibly be so earth-shattering that I need to stop doing this?" Lexa asked patiently, the cadence of her voice calm and relaxed. Anya leaned one arm against Ten as she shot Lexa an appraising look.

"Well? Are you going to guess who called me?" Lexa released a low huff of laughter, still not meeting her friend's erratic gaze as she continued to make measured circles with the brush.

"I don't know, bootycall number five?" She joked, and Anya's hand was suddenly over her's. With deliberate slowness, Anya removed the comb from her hand, and with her other hand she turned Lexa by the shoulder to face her.

" _Raven_ called me, Lexa." The brunette frowned at her, face swimming with recognition and annoyance.

"Why would Raven, of all people, call you?" She asked. Anya gripped Lexa tightly by the shoulders, and only then did Lexa notice the torn expression she was wearing.

"She says she has some free time and wouldn't mind coming in from DC." Anya said, her voice quivering slightly. "She wants me to show her around the town, that kind of thing." Lexa groaned loudly.

"Please don't tell me you're thinking of doing it." She raised one hand to cover her eyes as she sighed with exasperation. "You said you were done with her."

"I know I said that." Anya snapped, but apologized with a gentle squeeze on Lexa's bicep. The brunette accepted it easily, and instead took the brush Anya had taken from her. The other woman was quick to relinquish her hold on Lexa as she gently pried herself away to continue pampering her steed.

"I get that she's been a big part of your life, Ahn," Lexa started, "but you've been going through this shit for years. You shouldn't be obligated to do whatever she wants, just drop everything you're doing for her."

"I know." Anya sighed, and she simply watched as Lexa methodically continued her brushing. Tenuem nickered with appreciation, and Anya patted the horse's shoulder. "Is it so wrong for me to want to try anyway?"

Lexa didn't respond right away, choosing instead to tuck the comb away and fishing out the hoof pick. As she bent down, clucking lightly for Tenuem to lift a foreleg, Lexa chose her words carefully. "You can try if you want," her deft fingers quickly cleared away some dirt from Tenuem's hoof, wiping the horseshoe lightly with her palm, "but just be careful okay?" She glanced up as Anya rounded on the other woman to look Lexa in the eye.

"Okay." She said, hands in the pockets of her jeans. "But you're right." Anya said, and Lexa snorted.

"That's rare for you to think that."

"Shut up." Anya rolled her eyes, the playful tone evident in her voice. They were silent for a few moments when Anya suddenly said: "When you decided to come back from Virginia,  you remember what you said?" Lexa worked for a few heartbeats without answering. This conversation was taking a turn she was not expecting.

A gentle touch on her shoulder made her look up, and Lexa dropped Ten's hoof. Standing upright once more, she met Anya's searching, vulnerable gaze. "When I was in my first month into the pregnancy, and I felt like the world was crashing down on me, do you remember what you said to me?" She repeated, and Lexa's eyes crinkled at the edges.

"How could I forget?" Lexa asked softly. The smile that spread across Anya's face was gentle, and she ghosted the tips of her fingers along Lexa's cheek.

"Can you say it again?" Anya whispered, and Lexa acquiesced.

"I'm here for you, and I'll always be here for you no matter what." Lexa tilted her head as she repeated the words with the same degree of conviction like she was saying it for the first time. "You can tell me to leave, you can hate me, scream at me,  but I'll come back to you. I'll always come back."  Anya released a heavy sigh, and without another word she wrapped her arms around Lexa's shoulders. The brunette wrapped her arms around Anya's waist, the hoof pick dropped with a quiet clang upon the concrete.

Lexa felt Anya bury her nose into her still-damp brown hair, and she tightened her hold on her friend, though careful of the more pronounced bump growing at Anya's middle. They held each other for a heartbeat more, then Anya slowly put some distance between them. There was a determined look in her brown eyes, and Lexa waited patiently, and when she did speak, her voice was steady and strong. 

"I won't let her get close to me, not the way we did before. Not until she's okay with all this." Anya said, and Lexa nodded slowly. The blonde shoved Lexa's shoulder affectionately. "And if she's an ass, you'll be the first I'll call to deal with her."

"Now that's more like it." Lexa chuckled, and Anya shook her head in mock-exasperation. But even then she could not hide the look of relief on her face.

"I fucking love you." Anya declared before she turned on the heels of her boots and marched out of the barn. Lexa grinned at her words.

"Love you too, you and that little avocado." She called after her, and the retreating woman flipped her off as she walked, eliciting a chuckle from Lexa.

Tenuem suddenly snorted loudly, and Lexa returned her attention to him. "All right boy, I got you." She bent to pick up the previously abandoned tool, and moved to continue her labour of love. But it was with a distracted mind that she picked out the dirt and small pebbles from her horse's hooves. It seemed like ages since that day when she had flown in from Virginia, having just quit the job of a lifetime. Instead of acting as the advisor to one of the most promising senators in Congress, she was in the small town of Polis where time stood still and seasons moved as slowly as the cattle grazing from range to range. Here there was no fast-paced world of politics and intrigue, instead there was Anya, one month pregnant and hit with the most debilitating case of morning sickness, waiting for her.

To say that that moment was life-changing would be understating things. In the span of two weeks, Lexa had thrown away a promising career in politics and had returned to the one place she thought she would never live in again. And now, deep into November, Lexa had endured five months of caring for Anya as the woman grew a tiny human in her belly.

The bump was very pronounced now, to the point where Anya had started wearing loose shirts. She was still firm on the jeans, but Lexa knew she would give in soon. In fact, with the aches and pains she'd been complaining about recently, Lexa was gearing up to take over Anya's responsibilities at Birch River for the interim. She was going to be resistant about it, but Lexa already had a plan on when to approach the subject.

She was completely lost in her thoughts, crouched down as she cleaned out Ten's stall, when she heard a woman clearing her throat behind her. Lexa stood up with a groan, jaw stretching wide in a yawn before she turned. Her eyes widened at the sight. 

"Clarke?" Lexa felt a grin begin to materialize at the edges of her mouth, and the other woman smiled back, brushing stray locks of blonde hair from her eyes.

"Hey stranger." Clarke stepped a little closer, but not close enough for physical contact. Lexa had remembered the last time they saw each other. It was late September, and Lexa vividly recalled the rich orange rays of sunlight illuminating Clarke's hair. She looked like she had been crafted out of gold, taking Lexa's breath away whilst simultaneously leaving her wanting more. She couldn't believe she was here now.

Lexa smiled sheepishly at her, setting aside the shovel she was using and dusting her hands off. "Guess that is what we are to each other, huh?" She said apologetically. Clarke only shook her head, moving to lean against the stall door next to them. 

"I believe I told you that we could be more, or at least I implied that." Clarke bit her lip, crossing her ankle over her other as she leaned against the sturdy wooden panels behind her. Lexa chuckled lightly at her.

"I seem to recall you just telling me that you have an ex-wife, before you ditched me with your sister." Clarke shifted slightly, eyes looking down at her shoes before she glanced up at Lexa, the blue of her eyes captivating and warm.

"Yes, that's what I mean by _implied_." Clarke answered cheekily, and Lexa took one cautious step forward. _Easy now_.

"Well in any case, I'm happy to see you," Lexa said, "even though it's been a few months."

"Three, to be exact." 

"You've been keeping track?" Another step.

"Wouldn't you?" Clarke's hands were in the pockets of her denim jeans, and she appraised Lexa with a casual air. "Octavia came over to visit Indra, I figured I'd at least come and say hello." She crossed her arms at her last few words. "Which is the least _you_ could have done all this time."

Lexa scuffed the heel of her boot, glancing down sheepishly. "Yea, sorry about that." She ran a hand over her hair wearily. "I've been busy with chores and training, and with Anya getting closer to that time, I've been getting acquainted with her tasks around the place too."

"It's all right," Clarke's tone was soft and forgiving, and Lexa met her easy gaze, "my hands have been pretty full with the girls and my mom's business."

Lexa hummed, and she shifted a little closer. "Have you been flying to New York often?" She asked, and Clarke tilted her head, the smile reaching her eyes this time.

"And how would you know about that?" She tapped her chin with her index finger, the other arm crossed over her chest. Lexa's face flushed slightly. She'd been caught.

"Hmm, maybe I asked about you from Octavia." Lexa confessed, and Clarke bit her lip as she watched the other woman squirm slightly.

"So you haven't forgotten me, huh? Or got scared off by my kids?" The blonde leaned her head back against the stall, and Lexa shook her head.

"How could I?" She whispered, and Clarke's brilliant blue eyes seemed to only become more vivid and colourful. With deliberate slowness, Clarke pushed off of the stall and stepped just an inch closer before she reached out one hand to the brunette.

Slowly, respectful of the other woman, Lexa took Clarke's hand, and let her pull her closer, until they were nose-to-nose. Lexa closed her eyes, breathing in the same air as the other woman. She felt Clarke interlace their fingers, and she swore there was a spark of electricity, a magnetism to the touch. As if all that was wrong in the world was righted with the closeness of this woman.

"Tell me I'm not just imagining this, that you feel this." Clarke said softly. She pulled back, and Lexa opened her eyes. At this proximity she could admire every single detail of her face, commit it to memory as she went on. "Tell me you're interested, or tell me you're not." Clarke pleaded gently. "I just want to know what _this_ is." She looked beseechingly, and Lexa, stunned by her admission, was at a loss for words. Clarke waited for a few more seconds, but when Lexa still could barely collect her thoughts, Clarke released her hand and stepped back.

"Okay." She said quietly, and before Lexa could say anything she spun on her heel and was starting off. All Lexa could see was her putting more distance between them, and in that moment she willed her legs to move.

"Clarke, wait." Lexa took two long strides after her. The blonde paused and she turned to face Lexa. The brunette inhaled, then nodded to herself. "You're not the only one affected by this." She confessed. "When I first saw you, I was intrigued, but it wasn't until we spoke that confirmed it." Lexa gave her a tentative smile. "I feel it too."

"Okay." Clarke repeated, but this time she just shifted back on her heels, planting herself there in the middle of the barn. "Well what do you want to do about it?" A smile slowly grew between them, and Lexa took those last two strides.

Suddenly they were standing as they had before, but this time Lexa did not hesitate, and neither did Clarke. The moment their lips connected, Lexa's heart soared and she felt tattoo of her heartbeat echo throughout her chest.

Clarke's hands went around her shoulders, and Lexa's arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her closer as the blond deepened the kiss. Then Lexa felt herself being pushed back, until her shoulder blades hit the metal bars of a stall door. At their movement, the horse occupying the stall neighed loudly, shocking both of them to break apart. Lexa met Clarke's eyes, and in that moment the two dissolved into gentle laughter.

When the laughter ceased gradually, Clarke inched forward. Lexa dared not move, and with a methodical carefulness Clarke leaned her forehead against Lexa's shoulder, arms going around her hips. "Is this okay?" She asked.

"It's perfect."  Lexa rubbed her back soothingly. She felt Clarke's frown against her shoulder, and then the blonde asked: "Why is your shirt drenched?"

"I went up to the mountain pasture this morning." Lexa explained, and Clarke turned her head slightly to glanced up at her. 

"That's a long distance to cover in one day."

"Let's just say I had time." Clarke sighed, and Lexa felt the warm puff of air against her collarbone. 

"What's with you strong and silent types?" She asked rhetorically. "Always trying to prove you're tough." Lexa raised one eybrow indignantly.

"I don't have to prove I'm tough, I am tough." Clarke laughed, and Lexa grinned as the other woman pulled away to punch her lightly on the bicep.

"Whatever you say." Her eyes were light, but then Clarke's face began to morph from playful to serious in a matter of seconds. "Lexa, I need to say something." The brunette was silent, and Clarke took it as an invitation to continue. "If we're going to try to do this, you need to know that my daughters are non-negotiable."

"I know, of course." Lexa assured her. "I would never presume anything else." Clarke seemed to search her face for deception, and she tilted her chin once to quickly peck Lexa on the lips. 

"Good." Clarke stepped away from her, though she moved to intertwine their hands once more. "I've gotten pretty used to being a single mother, and they're my top priority." Lexa simply inclined her head. 

"I understand that," Lexa intoned gently, "the kids come first."

"Then you're not going to be mad if I don't tell them about us until a bit longer? When we've figured out our status?" She asked, and Lexa nodded.

"Fair enough." Lexa pushed off of the stall to stand at her full height. "How about this," she took a deep breath before she continued, "why don't I take you out on an actual date sometime first? Then we can figure out where to go from there."

Clarke eyed her suspiciously, releasing her hand. "You're not going to disappear for another two months are you?"

Lexa merely chuckled and shook her head, hands in her pockets as she stayed on her side of the hallway. Clarke hummed, not quite believing her. She tapped her finger against her thigh, squinting at Lexa before reaching into her back pocket to retrieve her phone. When she successfully fished it out, she handed it to Lexa, who took it wordlessly. "Text yourself with my phone." Clarke said, and Lexa acquiesced.

A notification sound dinged from the hay bale where Lexa's phone sat, and she picked it up to show the other woman. Clarke smirked at her. "Well you don't have to be an ass about it."

"Only because you told me not to then." Lexa said courteously, returning Clarke's phone to her. "Dinner next Friday? I'll pick you up and we can drive into town."

"Sounds good." Clarke waved her fingers at her before she backed away from her. "Till then," Clarke winked at her before she turned around, giving her full view of her retreating figure, "just something to remember me by!"

Lexa would never forget.

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

Their first date would happen the week after the impromptu make-out session in the Birch River barn.

Clarke stood in front of the vanity, applying the last few touches to her makeup when she heard a light knock on the bathroom door. “Come in.”

Abby poked her head through the door, eying her daughter meticulously apply some eyeliner. “So Gwen and Krysta tell me you’re going out with a few friends,” she looked her up and down, taking stock of the tight black jeans, suede knee-high boots, and deep blue blouse. “This looks like a bit more than just some friends.” Abby said as she closed the door behind her, leaning against it as she watched her daughter make some final alterations, her pre-game that she was quite used to seeing when she was in her late teens.

Clarke scoffed lightly, only sparing a quick eye-roll before she finished up, cleaning up the countertop. “For the record, just because I put on makeup doesn’t mean it’s a date.”

“Well no, but I haven’t seen that,” Abby inclined her chin towards the curling iron, an errant hand gesturing towards Clarke’s lightly curled hair, “in a very long time.”

The blonde rolled her eyes again, but she couldn’t contain the smile overtaking her features. “So what if it is a date?” She asked.

Abby raised both eyebrows, surprised by her daughter’s sudden honesty. “Well then, who’s the lucky girl or guy?” She crossed both arms, intelligent brown eyes tracking Clarke as she put away her array of skin and hair products.

“Um, Lexa actually,” Clarke answered distractedly as she closed the bottom cabinets, putting away the blow drier, “from Birch River.”

“Lexa Walsh?” Abby’s voice was incredulous, and Clarke frowned, swinging up to shoot her a look of confusion.

“Yes?”

“That woman is the personification of a glacier.” Abby said disapprovingly, and Clarke only laughed dryly.

“She happens to be nothing but polite and sweet.” The blonde retorted as she nudged at her mother to move out of her way. She strode out of the bathroom, Abby following a few steps behind. Rossi yipped in excitement, clinging to Clarke’s side as she purposefully walked to the living room to collect her purse and phone.

“From what I’ve heard, she’s nothing but trouble.” Abby warned her as she put on her jacket, checking her phone. Based off of their last communication, Lexa would be here any second now.

“Mom, I get that you think you know everyone in town, but she’s not who you think she is.” Clarke defended the absent brunette. “She’s actually respectful and kind, so I would appreciate it if you didn’t speak poorly of her.”

Abby shook her head and sighed, but eventually she grunted in assent. “Fine, but I want you to know the facts before you go with her.” She added, much to Clarke’s chagrin. “She suddenly drops everything and comes back to take care of some pregnant woman who works at her aunt’s ranch, doesn’t that raise a few red flags?”

“Why would it?” Clarke asked, which only encouraged Abby’s tirade.

“Because she literally moved her entire life for some woman.” She said it with slight impatience. “Doesn’t that make you wonder what kind of relationship she had with Anya? What would make a person completely abandon their life in a big city in exchange for small town living with a pregnant woman who already had support, as it is?”

“I don’t know, maybe the fact that they’re childhood best friends?” Clarke answered breezily. Just then her screen lit up. She was here. “Well, this was a great talk.” She said sarcastically as she gathered her things and made for the door. “I’ll be sure to send Lexa your regards.” She called over her shoulder before she strode out onto the porch, shutting the door so as to avoid the indignant look on her mom’s face.

Instead, she walked over to Lexa’s truck, sidling over to open the passenger’s side door and swinging in. Lexa grinned at her. The brunette was dressed in a pair of olive-green khakis, a green plaid shirt, and a pair of runners. A different look from her usual jeans and boots. She’d even left her Stetson at home.

“You look lovely.” Clarke smiled at the compliment, reaching over to kiss Lexa on the cheek in greeting before she buckled up.

“So do you,” Clarke let her hand linger a second longer on the other woman’s shoulder, “I really like this look.”

“Do you now?” Lexa grinned cheekily as she began the drive to downtown. “I had assumed that you had a thing for cowgirls, mostly based on all that staring at me when you thought I wasn’t paying attention.” She joked, and Clarke punched her arm lightly.

“Shut up.” She was lucky the interior of the truck didn’t reveal her blushing, and Lexa seemed to let her off the hook easily enough.

“Well either way, I’m glad you did.” She said, shooting a quick smile her way before she returned her attention to the road. “Otherwise I wouldn’t know if you were interested or not.” Clarke wordlessly returned her shy smile, the rest of the ride passing by in a flash.

 

 

As it turned out, Lexa had chosen the nicest, most expensive restaurant in town. When asking how she could afford something like this, Lexa had simply shrugged and shot her a sly smile as she pulled out Clarke’s chair for her.

It was after the main course, sipping on wine (coffee in Lexa’s case) while deliberating on whether to have dessert or not – tiramisu – that the conversation turned to something more personal.

“So,” Clarke swirled her glass, “if you were doing so well in Virginia, why did you come back?” Lexa took that moment to finish off the rest of her coffee before she answered.

“I uh,” she intertwined her own fingers together nervously, and Clarke reached out one hand to clasp over Lexa’s.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to answer.” Clarke assured her, thumb brushing soothingly over the back of Lexa’s hand. “It’s a personal question, and I don’t exactly have a right to ask.”

“No,” Lex shook her head, and she turned her hand in Clarke’s grasp so that they were tangled together, “you don’t.” Clarke bit her lip, watching the other woman as she intertwined their fingers, bringing Clarke’s hand up to her lips to brush a gentle kiss there. “But I’ll answer anyway.” Lexa said, and she inhaled heavily before she continued.

“I came back for Anya.”  She said. Lexa straightened in her seat, her chest heaving with her breaths. “She didn’t have anyone else, Raven was gone, her parents had died when we were in high school, it made sense.”

“Do you regret it?” Lexa let out a low, humorless laugh. Clarke, thinking that she had offended her, moved to pull her hand away, but Lexa subtlety tightened her grip to keep her within her grasp.

“No, I don’t.” Clarke searched Lexa’s eyes. She had never seen such an open, honest gaze directed her way before, and the brunette shot her a lopsided smile. “And you?” Lexa grinned this time. “How does a Harvard-educated business professional end up back in the same small town where she grew up?”

“I… just felt like I needed to be back here.” Clarke admitted. “Octavia lost her older brother in a car accident, so I came back for family.”

“Well, isn’t that a common theme here.” Lexa joked, and Clarke felt the corners of her lips turn upward. “But I have to ask,” The brunette frowned slightly, looking down at their hands before she glanced at Clarke, “how did we never meet before? Our families were basically neighbors.”

Clarke chuckled low in her throat, shyly glancing down, mimicking Lexa’s previous actions before she looked up. “You don’t remember, do you?” Lexa looked quizzically, and she smirked. “We did meet. I was eight, you were nine.” She brushed her fingers across the back of Lexa’s hand again. “I was trying to get on the new horse Dusty at my ranch, you were visiting with your mom and saw me struggling, so you gave me a leg up.” Lexa’s eyes began to light up with mild recognition, and Clarke smirked mischievously before she continued. “But then, you misjudged how light I was and launched me right over the saddle and onto my ass on Dusty’s other side.”

At her words, Lexa’s cheek turned a shade of crimson and pulled her hand away, and Clarke laughed. Even lit solely by the candlelight at their table, she could see Lexa’s retrospective embarrassment, so she used one foot to brush at the brunette’s calf. “Hey, it might not have been a meet-cute, but it was memorable.” Lexa groaned, but this time the smile reached her eyes and she sat back.

Clarke would have teased her for a bit longer, but then the waitress appeared at their table. “Have you two decided on dessert?” She asked pleasantly. Clarke met Lexa’s gaze, and she could read her mind like an open book.

“I think we have.”

The night air was crisp and cold, and Clarke hugged herself to keep warm as they walked to where Lexa had parked.

It had been a companionable silence, but Clarke could feel that the air was charged with anticipation. Beside her, taking measured, even strides, Lexa had been glancing at her occasionally, something Clarke had also been guilty of since they had left the restaurant.

“So I have to ask,” Clarke’s eyes were fixed on her boots as they walked, “did you have anyone? Back in Virginia?” Lexa nodded her head at that, and she lightly nudged Clarke’s hip with her own.

“Costia.” She said the name easily. “We were together for five years.”

“Wow.” Clarke was momentarily stunned. “What happened?”

“It was a matter of distance I guess.” Lexa said ambiguously, but elaborated without much urging. “She was an analyst with CNN, and she got a posting out in London and I wasn’t willing to go with her, so we decided to end things.”

“Fair enough.” Clarke nodded, and Lexa grinned.

“How about you? What happened with this wife of yours?” They had walked right up to the truck, and Lexa leaned against the driver’s door, an elbow resting on the side mirror.

“She was…never a team player.” Clarke said finally. “She never put her family first. It was always money first.” Lexa shook her head.

“I’m sorry.” Clarke bit her lip, shuffling one foot.

“It’s in the past.” She said. “I’m over it.” Clarke cautiously stepped closer, glancing nervously at Lexa as she moved.

Lexa was content to stay where she was, and Clarke made the last few steps until they were nose-to-nose. Their hips were almost touching, and Clarke stared longingly into Lexa’s eyes. Lexa let one hand drift down to Clarke’s waist, the air between them electric. “Is this okay?” She asked breathily, and Clarke nodded, and their foreheads touched. But neither was willing to move away. With Lexa’s arm around her, the other arm moving to gently brush away errant strands of blonde hair, Clarke closed her eyes, leaning in slightly.

“Where have you been all my life?” She whispered, and she knew that her breath was puffing against Lexa’s lips.

Lexa took her time answering, her thumb gently stroking Clarke’s cheekbone. “In all the wrong cities.”  She murmured gently.

Something in Clarke told her to open her eyes, and when she did, she was met with those earnest, brilliant green eyes that she was rapidly falling for. The sentiment seemed to be shared by the brunette, who looked at her with such pure affection that she felt her chest fill with warmth.

Somehow, their second time kissing was more tentative. Clarke tilted her chin slightly, and Lexa met her carefully, their lips barely brushing. This time felt different, felt like a promise. Yet when they finally kissed tonight, Clarke felt like her soul was being filled with something she didn’t know she was missing.

It quickly became more passionate, and she pressed Lexa hard against the truck, one hand cupping Lexa’s neck while the other was planted on the metal of the truck door. Lexa let out a low moan, and Clarke grinned into the kiss, opening her mouth for more.

Finally, they pulled away for air, and Lexa leaned her head back against the truck window, both women breathing hard. “If we keep doing this,” Lexa panted, her breath coming out in puffs in the cold night air, “you know what will happen.” Clarke leaned her forehead against Lexa’s shoulder, arms moving to wrap around Lexa’s strong frame.

“What do you feel comfortable doing tonight?” She asked raggedly, and Lexa laughed lightly. Clarke could feel the vibrations of her laugh as she tilted her cheek against Lexa’s collarbone.

“I want to drive you home, and give you a kiss goodnight.” She said finally, and Clarke lifted her head to meet her eyes. “Not because I don’t want to, you know.” Lexa laughed nervously. “I want to do this right.”

Clarke kept her gaze for a few heartbeats longer, but finally acquiesced. She moved to peck Lexa on the cheek gently. “Thank you, for a wonderful night, and for being so chivalrous.” She added with a teasing smirk, and Lexa rolled her eyes. Slowly, the two of them untangled their limbs, and with one last teasing brush of fingers, Clarke went around the other side of the truck to get in.

 

 

“Well, here we are.” Lexa cut the ignition, leaning back in the seat as she turned to Clarke.

Clarke unbuckled her seatbelt and leaned over, tentatively taking Lexa’s chin in one hand. “Thank you, again.” She said quietly, and Lexa slowly blinked her acknowledgment. Clarke couldn’t resist one more kiss, and she leaned forward to gently brush her lips over Lexa’s.

When she pulled away, Lexa’s eyes were closed, and she stroked her cheek. “You’ll call me tomorrow?”

“The second I get some free time, I’d be a fool not to.” Clarke kissed her once more before she opened the truck door.

“I’ll look forward to it.” She smiled shyly once more before getting out. Clarke practically bounced up the porch steps and through the door, though she kept as understated as possible knowing that Lexa was still there.

 

 

Clarke was watching Lexa drive off from the kitchen window when she heard footsteps behind her.

“How was it?” Octavia stood at her shoulder, and Clarke sighed happily.

“Amazing.” There was a dopey smile on her face, and Octavia nudged her with her shoulder.

“Wow, look at that, Clarke is back.” She teased, and Clarke shot her a half-hearted glare.

“What do you mean ‘back’?”

“I mean, I haven’t seen you this happy in ages.” Octavia rested her hip against the kitchen counter. “Not since before you and Niylah started up together.”

Clarke hummed, and Octavia grinned widely. “See, you’ve got that look on you, that dopey ‘I’m in love’ look.”

“It’s much too soon to say I’m in love with Lexa.” Clarke protested, and Octavia practically preened in glee.

“Oh gosh, can you even hear yourself?” She laughed, but careful to keep it down for fear of waking everyone else in the house. “You sound like Megara.”

Clarke rolled her eyes at the Disney reference. “I’m hardly singing about some jacked redhead in a garden.”

“Not physically,” Octavia poked Clarke on the chest with her index finger, “but on the inside.” Clarke shook her off amid her playful laugh, but it was Lincoln who would actually save her from the rest of this conversation.

“O, are you giving Clarke a hard time?” He asked as he padded into the kitchen from where he had passed out in the living room, still recovering from the food coma he was in.

“Hardly,” Octavia threw one arm around Clarke’s shoulders, and the blonde tried to shrug her off, “I am merely trying to help her digest her feelings.” Clarke rolled her eyes so hard she was almost afraid they would never come down again, but Octavia wasn’t going to let her off the hook just yet. “Babe, look at her, don’t you think she’s glowing?”

Clarke pushed Octavia away firmly even as the younger woman chortled. “Lincoln you don’t have to answer that.”

“But he will.” Octavia shot him a look, and he smiled warmly at Clarke in turn as he filled a glass with water, drinking it as he leaned casually on the counter island as he observed the blonde.

“You do look, much, _much_ happier than I have ever seen.” He finally said, and his wife grinned smugly. Clarke bit the inside of her cheek. As much as she hated the magnifying glass over her night, she couldn’t control the smile slowly forming on her features.

“She is a lovely person.” She admitted, and Octavia squeezed her bicep.

“I’m happy for you, really” And this time, Clarke could see that she was being serious.

“Me too.” Lincoln agreed. “Invite her to family dinner sometime, I’d love to meet her. And you know,” he wiggled his eyebrows and flexed his shoulders, “intimidate her a little.” Clarke shook her head, but she knew that with them urging her to, it would definitely happen.

* * *

 

Clarke burrowed deeper into the bed, her naked skin warm under the sheets as she kissed Lexa’s lower back. Clarke could hear the birds chirping in the sunny early-December afternoon. She glanced at the clock at Lexa’s nightstand. 12pm.

Lexa made a sound similar to a purr, though Clarke couldn’t tell exactly as it was muffled by the pillow.

Her limbs felt like jelly, a satisfying ache settling between her legs as she basked in the afterglow of their lovemaking. If she had to predict what would have happened on their tenth date – an early lunch on her day off – she never would have expected this. Wednesday really was hump day.

She continued mapping the expanse of Lexa’s back, finally stopping at her shoulder. Clarke rested her chin on the muscles of her shoulder. Lexa’s eyes were closed, no doubt exhausted from their earlier activities. Clarke couldn’t think of a better time to ask than right now.

“Want to come to family dinner on Sunday?” Lexa hummed drowsily, and Clarke ran her fingers across Lexa’s skin. “Lexa.” She drew out her name, and finally the brunette opened one eye.

“Are your kids ready for that?”

“I already told them a few weeks ago.” Lexa shifted, and she slowly moved until they were chest to chest. She finally looked at Clarke, more awake than she was a few seconds ago.

“Well, if you’re ready for this, then so am I.” Lexa said. Clarke leaned down and kissed her, grinning wildly.

* * *

 

“So what do you do for a living?” Lexa asked politely. She was seated next to Clarke at the dinner table that Sunday. Krysta sat on Clarke’s other side, Gwen, Octavia, and Lincoln across from her.

“I’m a doctor.” Lincoln answered with a generous smile. “A friend and I own the clinic in town.”

“The smartest doctor in the province!” Jake lifted his glass of water from one end of the table, which elicited some laughs across the table. Except for Abby, who from her end of the table glowered quietly.

“This is awkward.” Clarke muttered under her breath, and she squeezed Lexa’s thigh bracingly. Under the table, Clarke heard Rossi’s discrete whining, sensing the discomfort in the room as she lay there quietly.

“What did you down in Virginia?” Gwen asked, sounding genuinely interested. Lexa lifted her head to smile politely.

“I was a political strategist for the state senator.”

“What was it like?”

“Fast-paced, and very stressful.”

“Do you miss it?” Gwen shoveled some mashed potatoes in her mouth in between the conversation, and Lexa grinned at her antics.

“A little bit.” Lexa’s voice was slightly wistful, and Abby took that as her opening.

“Maybe you should go back then.” Abby interjected. The table was eerily silent. Jake shot her a censoring look, though that could not be compared with the furious glare that Clarke sent her mother.

“Well she’d be missed if she did!” Octavia cut in, and Lincoln nodded vigorously.

“Yeah, how is filling in for Anya at Birch River?” Lincoln asked, and Clarke was so incredibly grateful for them in that moment.

“Great!” Lexa seemed just as relieved for the change in topic. “It’s not that hard when she’s already been doing such a great job being so organized.”

“She is.” Jake agreed. “How is she doing, with the pregnancy?”

“Doing okay, mostly going crazy at home with nothing to do.” Lexa said ruefully. “I almost had to tie her to the kitchen chair to keep her indoors in this weather.”

“Oh, so you and Anya are that close?” Abby retorted. “Does she know that you’re seeing my daughter?” She challenged. Lexa’s eyes widened slightly, her shoulders tensing. Across from her, Lincoln suddenly was immensely interested in the chunk of meat loaf on his plate, whilst Octavia took great gulps from her wine glass.

“It’s not like that Grandma.” Gwen surprised all the adults when she answered for Lexa. “They’re like sisters, I saw it myself.” Clarke glanced at Abby. She looked both furious that her granddaughter had so innocently gotten Lexa off the hook, but quickly recovered by plastering a fake smile across her face.

“Well of course, how silly of me.” Abby bit out the words, and Lexa exhaled. Clarke rubbed Lexa’s shoulder soothingly, Abby’s hawkish eyes following her movement.

Suddenly, there was a loud crashing sound, and Krysta squealed with a mixture of shock and excitement. The girl, in her constant squirming, had accidentally knocked her plate to the ground.

Rossi lunged at the fallen food from her position under the table, and both Clarke and Jake rushed to clean it up before the dog ate too much. Lexa stood from her seat, taking Rossi by the collar while Clarke took Krysta in her arms.

“I think this one needs to go to bed.” Clarke said, and Jake nodded.

“Yes, let’s call it a night.” He suggested, and Abby wordlessly got to her feet and strode away from the dining room. Lincoln pushed out of his chair loudly in an attempt to distract them from Abby’s exit.

“Good idea Jake, we’ll clean up here.” Lincoln proposed, and Octavia nodded at her husband’s words, hands already moving to clear away her cutlery. “Gwen, why don’t you take Rossi up to your room, Lex, give me a hand?”

Lexa hummed her assent, and Gwen quickly took the dog off of her hands as she moved to help Octavia clear the table.

She had just finished rinsing off the plates with Octavia when Clarke walked up behind her a finger looping into the pocket of her jeans lightly to tug at her. “Let me walk you out.” Clarke said, and Lexa nodded. Without a word, Lexa put down the dishrag and let Clarke lead her out.

“See you Lexa.” Octavia called after her as the door shut behind them.

Clarke walked Lexa to her truck, quick to apologize the instant they were out of earshot. “I’m sorry about tonight.” She blurted when they came to a stop in front of the vehicle.

“It’s fine, really.” Lexa reassured her, leaning against the hood of her truck. “I’ve been to my share of awkward family dinners, complete with disapproving moms.”

“Well, at least you haven’t been scared off.” Clarke chuckled tensely. Lexa sensed her nervousness, and she moved to take Clarke’s hand in hers.

“Seriously, it’s okay.” Lexa grinned lopsidedly, and Clarke simply tilted her chin to brush her lips on Lexa’s cheek.

“Thank you for being so understanding about this.” She murmured the words against her cheek.

“No problem.” Clarke wound her free arm around Lexa’s waist, shifting her face just a few centimeters before they were kissing in the middle of the ranch house driveway.

When they parted for air, Clarke felt something cold land on her cheek. It was snowing.

Lexa used her thumb to gently brush away the snowflake, and Clarke covered her hand with her own to keep her there. Without another thought, they resumed their kiss once more before Clarke placed a hand on Lexa’s chest. “You better go.” She said, her eyes closed. “The snow’s going to make your drive more difficult.” She could feel Lexa exhale, could feel it waft across the tip of her nose and her lips.

“Have a good night.” Lexa said finally, and they gently pulled apart. Clarke squeezed Lexa’s hand once more before she released her.

“Lexa I…” She caught herself before she could say more, but by then Lexa had one foot in the truck already. The brunette raised one eyebrow, waiting. “I had a great time, even with my mom acting like that.” Lexa grinned, touching the brim of her hat.

“Me too,” Her eyes brimmed with amusement and affection, and she smiled widely, “see you soon Clarke.” She started the truck and began backing out of the driveway, cautious in the snowfall.

Clarke waved one last time, Lexa returning it before she drove off. Clarke watched her truck along the gravel path, and when she finally disappeared over the hill, she looked up at the falling snow.

It might not have been as enjoyable as she would have liked, but she had to admit that Lexa had maintained calm and polite throughout, even with Abby’s impromptu and random grilling.

Yes, Lexa was a keeper.

She took careful steps across the yard and onto the porch steps when she saw light reflecting against the nearby window. Clarke turned, and in the quickly falling snow she saw a pair of low headlights. No one was expecting a visitor.

A silver sedan, clearly not well-equipped for the weather, slowly made its way down the gravel road and into the driveway. The back windows were tinted, and she crossed her arms, bringing her wool cardigan closer to herself to keep warm.

The car stopped in the driveway, and the back door opened. A dark, tall figure stepped out, and carefully navigated the gravel ground, moving closer to the house gate. It was when she was illuminated under the Christmas lights that Clarke realized who it was.

“Clarke, hey.” The woman was wearing her trademark $800 Burberry trenchcoat, starched white blouse, and navy slacks, complete with a pair of heels that were so clearly unfit for these winter conditions that it could not have been anyone else.

At that moment Clarke was not sure if she should have felt confused, surprised, or annoyed. Perhaps all three at the same time. When she found her voice, it seemed to fall between them like heavy stones. "Niylah?”

Above them, the snow continued to fall.


	6. Chapter 6

Snowflakes were falling heavily over the Griffin ranch that night, and as Clarke faced her ex-wife, she was not sure if she had frozen because of the cold winter weather, or because of the presence of the woman who had been both aggravating and endearing once.

“What are you doing here?”

Illuminated by the glaring headlights of the sedan, Niylah brushed her wavy hair over her shoulder, a dusting of snow on her expensive Burberry. “I wanted to see the girls.”

“And we had already agreed, this month is not your month.” Clarke’s fists clenched, knuckles white as she dug her fingernails into the palm of her hands.

“’Your month my month’, that’s so rigid!” Niylah laughed airily, her straight white teeth flashing in the glow of the porch light. “We should spend time together, as a family.” She said, confidently taking a step over the threshold of the farmhouse gate.

Clarke’s posture stiffened. “You lost that right a long time ago.” She snapped tersely. “And besides, you never cared about spending time with this family.”

“Look,” Niylah put one leather-gloved hand on the fencepost, “I understand that I’ve hurt you.”

“Hurt me?” She scoffed. “Not showing up at the girls’ recitals, show jumping performances, that hurt _them_. You’ve only just _disappointed_ _me_.”

“Clarke-”

“Why are you really here?” Clarke cut her off impatiently, her previously happy spirits now souring quickly.

Niylah raised one hand to rub her thumb against her forehead, amber eyes flashing down at her shoes before she met Clarke’s angry gaze. “I’m here because I want to make up for being an absent mother.”

“Too late for that.” Clarke retorted.

“I know that.” Niylah leaned her hip against the fence. “But I want to try to mend my relationship with them. I’m still their mother too.”

“I wasn’t saying that you aren’t.” Clarke sighed, and she rubbed her face with her hand.

“I’m not saying you were.” Niylah quickly parroted. “What I mean, is that I have a right to want to prove to them that I’m here for them too. Please.” She added, looking up hopefully at Clarke. “I want to fight for this family, which is what you wanted when we were still married.”

“What I wanted?” Clarke repeated incredulously. “I wanted you to be here, to put us first.” She crossed her arms. “You can’t just come back here and make all these promises that we both know you won’t be able to keep.”

“But I will, I swear.” Niylah insisted. “Clarke I’ve changed.” The blonde scoffed loudly at that. “It’s true.” Niylah said. “The year since the divorce, all I’ve been thinking is how much I miss you, miss this.” She waved a hand to the expanse of the acreage around them.

“So it took you losing it all to realize that you needed it?” Clarke summarized dryly. “A little cliché don’t you think?”

“I know what you’re thinking.” Niylah sighed. “I would be skeptical too. But I’m serious about this. Let me prove it to you, please.”

“How?”

“I’m willing to cut down on my hours at the office.” She proposed. “I’ll spend more time working from home, and I’ll make the flights to Vancouver a monthly thing, I’ve already cleared it with my boss.” When Clarke continued to glare at her, she added. “And I’ll take the girls to all their extracurriculars, pick them up from school, I won’t let them down. Hell, I’ll even make dinner.”

The words fell between them, and Clarke took in Niylah’s earnest expression for a few heartbeats more before she threw her a line in the conversation.

“Mom would never let you cook in her kitchen, not after what happened in 2014.”

“True.” Niylah chuckled, and Clarke had to bite her lip to stop herself from smiling back at her. She shouldn’t be so easily swayed. But here she was, making promises and doing things that she had wanted her to do and say before she had given up on this relationship.

“So?” Niylah rubbed her hands together, clearly cold. “What do you say?”

Clarke closed her eyes, and despite the many good reasons why she should say no, when she opened them she relented. “You can stay in the guest house. And only until Christmas is over. I want you gone by the 27th.”

“You got it.” Niylah said, face lighting up with hopeful excitement. “You’re not going to regret this.” She said before she turned and spoke to the driver.

Clarke heard the door open behind her, and Octavia appeared at her side. “What is she doing here?” She spat the words out hatefully. Niylah heard her, and she turned to wave at her politely.

“Hi Octavia, nice to see you again.” She said respectfully, which only increased Octavia’s ire.

“The pleasure’s not mine.” Octavia sneered. She swung her head at Clarke. “You want me to kick her out?”

“She said she wants to spend time with the kids.” Clarke sighed loudly, and Octavia looked like she was going to march down the steps and take a swing at Niylah.

“She had her chance, years ago.” Octavia snarled. “Did you let her get to you again?”

“No.” Clarke retorted, her spine stiffening defensively, stung by her sister’s implication. “She’s just staying for them.”

“It better only be for them.” Octavia growled lowly. “What about Lexa?” Her intense brown eyes followed the prissy blonde woman as she had her driver collect her suitcase from the trunk and lug it across the snow covered driveway to the small guest house across the way.

Clarke groaned loudly. “I don’t know O, I just, I can’t deal with this right now.” She sighed, and Octavia rubbed her back soothingly.

“I’m sorry Clarke.” She leaned her chin on Clarke’s shoulder. “I know you’re only doing what’s best for the girls.”

“Thank you.” Clarke said, and she let her sister wrap her arms around her.

“But all I’m saying, is that her being here is fucking messed up.”

 

* * *

 

Clarke glanced at her phone as she walked. She was in town completing errands, and also picking up Gwen after her study session at the diner. With the heavy snowfall they’d experienced for the past few weeks, Clarke had been loath to let Gwen arrange her own transportation. It had been a cold few weeks, turning the ranch into a winter wonderland. But it also had its problems, with Jake and a couple of the ranch hands organizing regular trips down to the Valley creek to break the ice for the herd.

The dude ranch was also bursting with guests excited for a Western White Christmas. One of the families staying had complained about the thread count of the sheets, and it had taken all of Clarke’s self-control not send her a barbed response. So here she was, buying sheets to better accommodate her paying guests.

Not to mention that Niylah was still here. Literally the most divisive person she had ever met, Clarke had to endure several lectures from both Abby and Octavia.

Which made her escape to town that much more relaxing, but only infinitesimally – it couldn’t be, when she had a list of things to do and not nearly enough time to complete them.

She was not paying attention at all as she made her way down the recently shoveled sidewalk, mentally going through the list of things she had already finished when she bumped into another person.

“I’m so sorry!” She exclaimed, only barely keeping her phone from falling out of her hand as she looked up to apologize. Shit.

“Lexa hi!” She said, her expression lighting up with excitement at seeing the brunette for the first time in weeks. Lexa had reached out a hand to steady her, and as Clarke righted herself she slowly removed her hand from the blonde’s arm, and Clarke missed it the instant it was gone.

“Clarke, it’s been a while.” The brunette said wearily, her black Stetson white with snow. “What are you doing here?” She asked.

“Oh just doing some errands, getting a new pair of snow gloves for Krysta, buying dog food, the usual.” Clarke babbled, flustered. Lexa didn’t appear mad. In fact, she looked both amused and pleased to see her. “What about you?” She asked quickly.

Lexa shuffled the heel of her boot, hands going into the pockets of her jeans. “Just picking up some more shells for the shotgun.”

Clarke frowned. “What do you need it for?”

“I saw some cougar tracks up by the valley.” Lexa explained. “And Luna found some steer remains a few days ago. It’s hunting the herd.”

“Does my Dad know?” Clarke asked, and Lexa nodded.

“He’s first one I told, well him and Jed.” Lexa mentioned their other neighbor. “We’ll take care of it.” She said, before pushing the brim of her hat higher to better look at Clarke, who felt infinitely guilty the moment their eyes properly met.

“I’m sorry I’ve basically dropped off the earth.” She blurted, and Lexa raised an eyebrow. “I had to fly to New York with Abby for a last meeting for the plans for the expansion, and since I’ve been back I’ve been dealing with the guests at the dude ranch.”

“It’s okay.” Lexa assured her generously. She lifted one hand to brush away snow from her hat and shoulders. “I mean, a text would have been great, but I get it.” Clarke sighed heavily, but she shook her head guiltily.

“No you’re right, I should have texted.” Clarke groaned. “I’m so sorry, I’ve been such a mess lately.”

“This have anything to do with your ex-wife being in town?” Lexa asked, and Clarke had to physically stop her jaw from dropping. But before she could even say anything, Lexa added. “Octavia was ranting when she came over last week. Anya could not get her to shut up.”

“Well you know her.” Clarke laughed louder than necessary, mentally reminding herself to kill Octavia later. “And yes, she’s here. But just for the kids.” She clarified immediately, and Lexa shrugged noncommittally.

“It’s not my business why she’s here.” Lexa said easily. “And listen,” she shifted her weight from foot to foot, “I’ve missed you. But if you need some space to be with her, I’m fine with that.”

“That’s not-” Clarke started, utterly confused. “What do you mean ‘be with her?’”

“Clarke – ” Lexa’s voice was tinged with impatience, and she sounded like she wanted to say more, but the woman shut her jaw with a click, the muscles clenching as she looked down, shuffling her boot awkwardly.

“Lexa?” Clarke ducked her head in a vain attempt to meet her gaze, but Lexa seemed to be looking everywhere else but at her.

She finally opened her mouth once, twice, but no words came out. When she finally did vocalize, Lexa must have decided not to say whatever had almost rolled off her tongue. “Never mind.” She muttered. She looked up and smiled, but Clarke swore that it didn’t reach her eyes.

Lexa touched the brim of her hat once. “Have a good day Clarke, tell the kids I say hi.” Clarke nodded, and Lexa turned on her heel to walk down the street.

She had barely gone more than a few feet, her retreating figure already almost disappearing into the winter wonderland around them when Clarke, biting her lip, couldn’t help herself. “You’re just going to walk away?” She called after her.  

Lexa’s shoulders tightened, and for a second Clarke was sure she was going to just walk away, but then she turned, and Clarke felt her throat constrict.

She looked stunning, a smile on her lips and her eyes brimming with something that Clarke knew was too soon to say, something Clarke had been trying to keep to herself too. It was too soon. But then why was she always locking her jaw and biting her lip to stop herself from admitting it?

And looking at Lexa, at the curve of that strong jaw, the set of those sturdy dependable shoulders and at that nose and those lips that she had kissed with such feverish abandon until recently, how could she possibly want anything – anyone – else?

“Clarke, I like you a lot.” Lexa said honestly. “You know my feelings for you, but clearly you need time to sort things out, and that’s only fair.” She rubbed the back of her neck, and Clarke could sense that there was more that she wanted to say.

“Lexa I-” The words were almost out of her mouth, but Lexa shook her head heavily and was already shying away.

“I’ll see you around Clarke.” Lexa said firmly, and Clarke had to watch as she walked away, leaving her confused and hurt by how abruptly she had left.

 

* * *

 

Lexa had just tossed her keys in the bowl and wiped her boots on the mat when she was attacked with kisses from Red, Birch River’s resident farm dog and the smartest mutt she had ever had. After rubbing him behind the ears, she toed out of her boots and hung her jacket and hat on the hook.

The house smelled of chocolate and pine, Lexa eying the Christmas tree with particular pride. She had first laid eyes on it in the middle of a ranging to Brokejaw River, and the blue spruce had been so perfectly symmetrical that she had known in an instant that she had to have it standing in the living room.

“You’re back.” Anya’s voice carried over from the living room, and Lexa made her way over to her, Red padding eagerly at her side. The older woman was splayed out on the couch, her midsection covered by a fluffy beige afghan as she munched on some popcorn. Subconsciously, Lexa crossed the distance to the couch and brought the afghan higher up, with Anya mumbling her thanks in her sleepy comfort. Red moved to lay on the rug by the fireplace, brown eyes watching the two women.

“Did you find that cougar?” Anya asked, trying to appear disinterested, but Lexa knew that she was envious of the opportunity to go on a hunt in a winter vista with nothing but a horse and the mountains for comfort.

“Nope.” But not for lack of trying. Lexa had taken the black mustang Bagheera – their newest addition to the Birch River working herd named by Krysta, whose favorite Disney film was _The Jungle Book_ – to the river, shotgun securely strapped to the saddle horn and her hands calm despite the potential run-in. Yet after three hours of trying to locate any possible trace of the cougar, the predator could not be found. Though Lexa concluded that the cougar was called the ghost for a reason. 

“How was the mustang?” Anya cocked an eyebrow, just as curious to hear how he’d fared.

“Steady, dependable, surprisingly reliable besides his clear need to assert his dominance.” Lexa replied as she unbuckled her chaps and unbuttoned her blue plaid shirt.

“Now I really need to get on him.” Anya grinned, but Lexa shot down her statement quickly.

“Hell no, not until that tiny human growing inside of you bursts out from your womb.” Lexa reprimanded her as she peeled the sweaty plaid material from her arms, leaving her in a black t-shirt.

“Stop.” Anya groaned loudly. “You make it sound so incredibly painful.”

“Isn’t it though.” Lexa grunted dryly, and Anya flipped her off as she marched to the laundry room in the corridor to deposit her chaps and damp shirt. After peeling off her thick woolen socks, she padded her way back to the living room.

“Been sitting around all day?” The cadence of her voice matched the drowsy warmth of the room, and Anya cracked a large yawn and nodded sleepily.

“What else do you expect me to do?” Her voice was peppered with amusement and annoyance. “You hardly let me do my job.”

“Yeah that’s because you have a pumpkin in your uterus.” Lexa joked as she reached a hand into the bowl of popcorn, munching hungrily.

The fireplace was crackling warmly, and the television hummed as Lexa sat down on the armchair, stretching out her legs. She yawned widely, her tired eyes appraising what Anya was watching and simply content to join her.

Buddy was in the middle of redecorating Gimbles when Anya tilted her head to scrutinize Lexa, and she broke their companionable silence.

“You saw Clarke, didn’t you?”

“What?” Lexa stretched her arms above her head.

“Why else would you have that giant stick up your ass?” She deadpanned, and Lexa rolled her eyes.

“Maybe because I had to ride into the valley in the middle of the snow storm?” Lexa suggested, and Anya hummed in disagreement.

“Nope.” Anya grunted, and she stretched out one lean leg, her toes curling. “So what happened?”

Lexa took her time answering, content to watch Buddy’s antics for a while longer before replying. “Nothing.”

“Bullshit.”

“You know, your kid is probably absorbing all of this conversation. Barely out of the womb and they’ll probably swear like a sailor.”

“Lexa.” Anya whined, and Lexa grinned as the other woman threw some popcorn at her.

“She just apologized for being busy.” Lexa relented. “I said no problem.”

“That’s it?”

“Well she also confirmed that her ex-wife is in town.”

“Your competition.” Anya smirked, mouth half-full with popcorn.

“I never said that.” Lexa snorted, only mildly disgusted by stray popcorn falling from Anya’s mouth.

“You didn’t have to.” Anya countered. “If she’s back, expect trouble.”

“I can handle trouble.” She had said it casually enough, but Anya still looked skeptical.

“Well if not, I can always threaten her.” Anya concluded. It wasn’t nearly enough information to satisfy her, but she seemed content to let Lexa grovel alone for a while longer. Rather, Anya ate another handful of popcorn, and squirming to adjust her legs, she settled deeper into the sofa with a purr of satisfaction.

 Lexa chuckled at her friend’s antics. She had so easily transitioned from sharp-shooting, horse taming badass to soft, heavily pregnant woman that Lexa was still astounded by it. But she didn’t expect it to last. The instant her child could stand on their own two feet, she fully predicted that it would be back to business for Anya. And for her, well she would have to see if Anya still needed help now that Raven would be back in the picture. No, for now, this was a welcome distraction from the ex-wife problem.

Lexa wasn’t sure how long she had been sitting there, eyes drooping, head tilted back against the back of the armchair and her feet propped up on the coffee table when she heard Anya gasp. She jolted upright. “What is it? Are you okay?” She asked urgently, prepared for any sort of emergency possible.

Yet when she laid eyes on Anya, the woman was sitting up on the couch, an expression of surprise on her face.

“Is there something wrong with the baby?” Lexa asked, but Anya simply shook her head.

“Feel this.” Anya’s hands were on her stomach, eyes wide with wonder. “She’s kicking.” Lexa released the breath she didn’t realize she was holding, and when her heart began to beat slower, she shifted so that she was on her knees before the other woman, hesitant and unsure. Anya rolled her eyes at how tentative Lexa was being, and she shuffled closer to the edge of the couch. Gently, Anya grasped Lexa’s wrist and placed her hand over the spot. At once, Lexa felt the baby kicking at her hand, and she was at a loss for words.

“This is amazing.” Lexa whispered, and she looked at her stomach with such reverence that Anya had to laugh. “Wait a minute.” Lexa said suddenly. “You said ‘she’ is kicking.” She glanced up at Anya, and when she saw that knowing look flashing in those brown eyes, she rubbed the bump gently. “You’re having a girl?” She nodded, and Lexa felt her heart skip a beat in awe. She had never experienced life at such tender beginnings before, and in that moment she couldn’t help thinking of Clarke.

 

* * *

 

The sky was already darkening that afternoon as Clarke stood at the sink, methodically washing the dishes. From the window she could see the kids playing in the snow with Niylah. The three of them were currently building a relatively large snowman, Rossi barking loudly and leaping after them excitably.

“Well doesn’t that look picture-perfect.” Jake said as he walked in, his boots clicking as he moved to put his thermos in the sink. Clarke didn’t turn her head to acknowledge him, but she hummed.

Jake crossed his arms and watched with her. “Has she said anything to you?”

“Said what?” Clarke asked, eyes fixed on her kids as they played.

Jake ruffled his sweaty hair, appraising his daughter with a practiced eye. “You know, about her wanting to get back together with you.” It was at that precise moment that Niylah looked up, and catching Clarke’s eye, waved. Even from that distance, Clarke could feel the intensity of her gaze and the meaning behind it, and she averted her eyes.

“She never said that to me.” Clarke said the words like they had personally offended her, and Jake raised one eyebrow as he rolled up his sleeves.

“Well from what she was saying to me yesterday, she said she wanted to win you back.” Jake said, a note of disapproval in his voice. “And when I was in town yesterday it seemed the whole neighborhood was aware of her mission.”

“Then she’s trying in vain.” Clarke sighed, clearly wanting to end their conversation. “And I can’t believe she would just broadcast her intentions to everyone.” She added crossly.

“I don’t know, she seemed determined.” He observed with a frown, and Clarke instead focused on washing the suds off of a plate. Not but a few days ago, Niylah had openly called Clarke ‘cute’ in front of the kids. It had seemed platonic at the time, but now that Jake clued her in, she frowned in suspicion. She had been a bit more touchy than usual, and whenever the kids were around she had emphasized how much she had loved all of them, looking at Clarke significantly with those bright amber eyes. The more that Clarke began reflecting on her ex-wife’s actions, the deeper her frown grew, her grip on the fork she was rinsing tightening. The nerve, using the kids to guilt her into this; she couldn’t believe the audacity, the discourteous manner at which Niylah was trying to win her back. Well, it clearly hadn’t worked so far, and Clarke was going to make sure she knew, even if she had to nail it into her temple with a hammer, that there was absolutely no way.

In all that time spent pondering, Jake seemed to take her silence as a dismissal, and he was halfway out of the kitchen when she threw out a question to him.

“What do you think, Dad?” She asked. When he cocked his head in confusion, she added: “Do you think I should let her come back into the kids’ lives full-time?”

“I think,” Jake rubbed his beard, ruminating, “I think you should have told her to get the hell off our farm the moment she stepped her foot onto the property.”

“Mom believes different.”  Jake put his hands on his hips, chuckling low in his throat.

“Well since when has your mother and I ever seen eye-to-eye in terms of your relationships?” It was a rhetorical question, and Clarke took that as answer enough.

“I really like Lexa, Dad.” She confessed.

“Me too.” He shot her a lopsided grin. “The way she politely handled your mother, you don’t just find people like on the street.”

“But I know that the kids still hold out hope that Niylah and I will reunite.” She sighed. “And she’s their mother, no matter how much they may like Lexa.” Clarke repeated the words that she had echoed in her mind every day since Niylah had returned. “They just want us to be a family again.” Her tone was resigned, defeated, and Jake had to interject.

“You can still be a family.” Jake reasoned. “Families today don’t look like when your mother and I were growing up.” He leaned against the door frame of the kitchen. “They can have _three_ moms.”

“I know, Dad.” Clarke rinsed off her hands and wiped them off. “I just don’t know how to do this, be a mother and also be a woman in love.”

“So you love Lexa?”

“More than I thought was possible.” She admitted, and it felt good in that moment to say it out loud for once. “And I want to tell her, but every time I try, something else – whether it’s family stuff or work – gets in the way.” And suddenly she recalled the way Lexa had spoken to her that afternoon – that resigned look in her eyes when she had confirmed that Niylah had returned, how her gaze had lingered like it would be the last time. She must have heard someone talk about Niylah’s desire to win her back, and suddenly the knowledge that her relationship with Lexa might already have been damaged brought her close to tears.

Jake wordlessly took her in his arms to wrap her in a hug, and as she buried her face into her father’s strong shoulder, she could feel as much as hear him as he spoke his next words. “You’ll find the right time. Just let your heart tell you what to do.” His gentle tone reminded her of her younger years, when she was a teenager with a crush on Jed Collins’ son Finn. Back then, it was a high school crush that had driven her to her father’s arms. And compared to the way she felt for Lexa, it was like holding a candle to a bonfire. And just like when she had been only thirteen, her father was right. 


	7. Chapter 7

The Griffin ranch was in an uproar when Lexa pulled up in her truck, Anya exchanging a nervous look with her as they had arrived. The air was arctic cold, snow falling at a feverish pace. The weatherman on the news channel had cheerily predicted a blizzard, and as Lexa stepped carefully through the driveway with one hand on the small of Anya’s back to guide her through the slippery snow, she wanted to punch the poor man in the face.

And now, standing in the middle of the barn with fifty other people, boots shuffling and spurs tinkling as the reluctant visitors rid themselves of snow and dirt, Lexa leaned casually against an empty stall’s door.

“As you know, we have a missing child situation.” RCMP officer Sterling Heath started the briefing quickly and without wasting his breath. “Ten year old Rose Collins told her father that she’d be going for a walk at the Powell trail around 9am this morning.” The grizzled, silver-haired sergeant mentioned the trail, well known and a highway of sorts for the three neighboring ranches of Birch River, Griffin, and Collins. The sergeant paused briefly, and rubbed his salt-and-pepper beard apprehensively before continuing.  “As of now she’s been missing for about three hours, and three hours in these conditions can be fatal.”

Lexa tried to ignore the wince from Finn Collins, the missing child’s father. Beside her, Anya brushed her knuckles against the fabric of her jeans. She cocked one eyebrow at her friend, who inclined her chin to the edge of the crowd. As many Birch River ranch hands as could be spared had come with them, as well as the Collins’ people, and the resident ranch’s riders along with the few RCMP members that were available. But at the far end of the hall, Lexa finally spied a flash of blonde hair and blue eyes. Clarke met her gaze and exchanged an earnest, beseeching look that Lexa chose to ignore. There wasn’t time for this.

“We’ll search the trail and the surrounding backcountry.” Heath’s breath puffed out in the cold air, gloved hands rubbing together to keep warm as he spoke. “Travel in teams of three or four,” He advised, and at a nod, his partner began reaching into the back of the patrol truck, “everyone take a SAT phone. Constable Ryan will set up the command station here, you see or hear anything you radio him and he’ll put the word out.” Heath turned to Jake, who stood a few feet away from him. “Anything else we might need to know about conditions here?”

“Everybody keep an eye out for wildlife.” He advised. “We recently spied a large male cougar out by Cane Creek. With such a heavy snowfall any living thing is probably holed up away from it, but you never know.”

“All right. We’ll if that’s it, let’s get out there.” Heath said, and the crowd began to rapidly dissipate.

Lexa turned to Anya. “You going to stay or drive back?”

“I’ll stay, try and help Ryan with setting up shop.”

“Don’t overdo it, please.” Lexa warned, and Anya brushed the younger woman’s cheek with her hand.

“I know,” she smiled crookedly, “just go out there and find that little girl.” Lexa nodded, and she put her hat back on her head and slid her gloves on.

“I’ll try. Stay warm.” She said, and Anya hummed before both were on the move.

Lexa marched out of the barn to the truck. After retrieving the shotgun in the back of the compartment, she sloshed through to the connected trailer. With practiced hands, she opened the main door to greet Bagheera, who wore a bored expression as she stepped up to untie the lead rope attached to his halter.

Bagheera’s hooves sank a few inches into the snow as she unloaded him, and he lowered his head to sniff half-heartedly. Lexa patted his shoulder bracingly. They had just been standing outside for a few moments, and already the snow began to collect around his haunches and his mane. They had to hurry.

She made quick work of putting his bridle on, and within heartbeats she ran her hands over the cinch with a  practiced eye while Bagheera stood patiently waiting for her.

“Here,” Gustus was at her side atop his mount, tossing a SAT phone down to her, “Luna’s almost ready, we’re waiting on your signal, then we’re outta here.” Lexa caught the phone and gave him a thumbs up, pocketing the device in her thick jacket.

She secured the shotgun at its mount on the saddle, then double-checked the stirrups once more. Right at that moment, she felt a familiar presence behind her, and she didn’t even turn her head. “Come to see me off?” Lexa asked carelessly as she retied the straps on her saddlebags.

“Come to tell you to be careful.” Clarke amended, and Lexa only hummed in response, using the task at hand to avoid looking at her.

Sensing the tension between the two women, Gustus brushed some snow off his hat. “We’ll meet you over by the gate.” He said, and Lexa waved her gloved hand in assent. His large Percheron-Quarter Horse, Blaze chewed methodically as Gustus wheeled him off to join the other member of their team, leaving Lexa to deal with the blonde woman standing behind her.

“Lexa, can you look at me?” Clarke pleaded, and the brunette finally swung around to do just that.

“You want to do this now?” Lexa asked, her voice quiet with anger. Her head was cocked to one side and shoulders visibly tense as she confronted the other woman.

“No,” Clarke paused, her blue eyes filled with a determination that meant Lexa wouldn’t be able to shake her off, “I just wanted to see you.” Lexa sighed, and her eyes flitted down to her belt, hands resting on her hips.

“Clarke, there’s a missing kid out there.” Lexa toyed with the holstered revolver on her left hip, looking anywhere else but at the blonde. She wasn’t going to give her the satisfaction.

“I know.” She stepped closer, and Lexa could feel her body heat. “I just want you to know, whatever you might have heard around town, I’m not getting back together with Niylah.”

Lexa rubbed her eyes wearily. “You couldn’t have just said that weeks ago?” She asked, an undercurrent of irritation in her tone.

“I didn’t know she was shooting her mouth off to the whole town!” Clarke appeared exasperated, and Lexa heaved a sigh, her chest rising visibly.

“Well, it would have been nice to know that earlier.”

“I literally just realized what she was doing yesterday.” The blonde groaned. “All of my attention has been devoted to either the girls or the dude ranch.” Clarke crossed her arms over her chest. “I didn’t mean to ignore you.”

Lexa scrutinized the blonde’s face, and sighed. “Clarke, I can’t just forget that you basically ghosted me for two weeks.”

“I know.” Clarke clasped her hands in front of her. “But can you please consider forgiving me?”

“Lexa let’s go!” Luna’s voice interrupted the two women, and Lexa waved to acknowledge her. She patted Bagheera on the shoulder, tearing her gaze away from the woman standing in front of her.

“Listen, Clarke-” She was going to say more when she saw someone approaching from over Clarke’s shoulder. Her hands tightened into fists when she recognized the dark blonde hair and the trim figure.

“Clarke, Krysta’s asking where her toy bunny is?” Niylah asked as she walked over to Clarke’s side. The blonde groaned inwardly at her interruption, but before she could tell her off, Lexa let out a scoff.

“Niylah Green.” Lexa spat the name out like it was poison. “That’s who you were married to?”

“Lexa Walsh.”  Niylah said the other woman’s name with equal disgust. “Of all the places I would have expected to see you, I’m shocked it’s here.” She edged forward, and Clarke instinctively stepped in between them, a hand on Lexa’s chest protectively. She was pleasantly surprised when the brunette didn’t shake her off, and she turned to glare at her ex-wife.

“Okay, how do you two know each other?” Clarke interrupted them, confused and annoyed to be the odd-woman out.

“She works for one of the most vile, repugnant oil companies in North America.” Lexa snarled the words at Niylah, who laughed shrilly.

“Oh please, Senator Meyer gave us that commission anyway, your office needed the win.” Lexa moved to step within arm’s reach of the other woman, but Clarke kept her back with a firm hand.

“Stop it!” Clarke reprimanded them both. “Niylah, can you give us a moment?” She stated rather than asked, and Niylah narrowed her eyes at her, suspicious. Lexa continued to glare at Niylah over Clarke’s shoulder, but eventually the woman in question began to back away.

The moment she turned her back on them, Lexa sighed loudly. “This was a mistake. I have a child to search for.” She didn’t let Clarke stop her, putting her foot into the stirrup and vaulting onto Bagheera’s back. She had settled her other foot into the stirrup when Clarke put a hand on her thigh. Lexa looked down and met her gaze.

“Lexa, just think about it?” Clarke pleaded once more. Lexa gathered the reins in her left hand, and she looked away briefly, her jaw clenched tightly. Then, a slight nod, and Clarke squeezed her thigh gently.

“Be safe.” She requested, and at that Lexa looked back at the blonde.

“Of course.” Lexa promised, and Clarke released her hand before Lexa touched her heels to Bagheera’s side, and with a spray of snow, horse and rider took off to the main gate.

Gustus was blowing air into his cupped hands when she had cantered up to join him and Luna, and he dropped one hand down to collect Blaze’s reins. “How’d that go?” He rumbled, and Lexa rolled her eyes.

“None of your business.” She grunted, and Luna cleared her throat loudly.

“So where are we headed?” Luna asked, her horse Coal pawing at the ground in desperation to be off.

“We’ll take the ridge behind Brokejaw River.” Lexa informed her distractedly. “It’s a little higher up the trail, but you never know.” Gustus and Luna nodded in assent, and the two urged their horses off.

Lexa looked back once more at the ranch courtyard, and she saw Clarke slowly walking back to the farmhouse. But she must have felt someone’s eyes on her, because she suddenly turned her head. Lexa met her gaze, and she felt that familiar clenching in her chest. The brunette lightly touched the brim of her Stetson, and when Clarke waved back in return, she snapped at the reins, and Bagheera took off after the others.

 

* * *

 

 

Lexa could barely see much ahead of her. The wind was howling through the trees, the snow billowing heavily the longer they were out there. Bagheera shook his mane, snow flying from his neck before the falling flakes quickly replaced the upended snow. It was like he hadn’t done anything at all.

She kept an eye on Luna and Gustus ahead of her on the trail while scanning the ridge and the riverbank for prints. Though she was doubtful they would find anything physical with this snowfall. There wasn’t a chance of finding anything. So why were they still out here? Because they were still hopeful.

Because despite the obvious signs that the girl was a lost cause, they were still out looking for here because they hoped desperately that she could be found. Lexa felt her heart clenching. She knew a thing or two about searching for hope where there was none.

Had a few experiences, some key memories where she was at the same exact mindset. Once, when the Senate candidate she had campaigned for had lost at a very close margin. She had requested a recount, and for those critical moments where the ballots were counted a second time, Lexa had held out hope that maybe her candidate had won.

And a second time, more recent, was Clarke. She loved the woman. But Niylah’s arrival made her question just how committed Clarke was to this relationship. Hearing the blonde confess that she didn’t care for Niylah that way made Lexa feel something before she had left her standing there in the courtyard. She felt that same hope blossoming in her chest. Maybe there was hope for them after all.

Just then she heard a branch snapping and the shuffling of snow. She gently tugged at the reins and tilted her chin to listen. There was an almost quiet hum, periodic, but still present. Lexa squinted through the snow, trying to confirm movement where her ears were suggesting.

Bagheera’s ears perked up, glancing in the same direction, and Lexa scanned up ahead the trail. “Gus! Luna!” Her voice carried out in the din, and Luna stopped her horse to turn her torso. She could barely make out Gustus at all, and Luna shouted out to her.

“What is it?” She called back. “You see something?” Lexa shook her head, then remembered that it was hard to see farther than a few feet ahead of herself.

“No, but I’m going to check up by the ridge.” Lexa shouted back, hands already working to angle Bagheera up the hill.

“Stay close to the trail!” Gustus’s voice boomed further up the path, and Lexa lifted one hand to wave in acknowledgment before she urged Bagheera off-trail.

She led the horse up the ridge, his hooves crunching through the solid snow the only other sound to be heard as the two investigated the source of the sound. Lexa could have sworn she heard a voice calling, but she wasn’t completely sure of herself. Hopefully traversing further up from the trail would yield the source. The black mustang expertly navigated the winter terrain, and Lexa once again was so pleased with him. Sturdy, experienced with extreme ends of the weather spectrum. He was worth every penny, and she patted his strong neck as he moved.

She tugged at Bagheera to stop, and the mustang snorted and arched his neck to stare crossly at her. “Just a while longer.” Lexa promised, her fingers habitually fiddling with the reins as she scrutinized the woods. She watched and listened for a few minutes longer, but the noise – wherever it came from – was gone.

With a low grunt of frustration, Lexa clucked her tongue and touched her heels to Bagheera’s side, and the horse was more than eager to start down the ridge to rejoin the others.

 In retrospect, Lexa supposed the first thing that alerted her to the presence of trouble was the heavy, odorous smell – carrion and an animalistic musk. But before she could even crane her head to establish where it was coming from, Bagheera tensed up under her, his hooves teetering across the ground skittishly.

Without warning, she felt something hit her hard in the upper back and shoulders, and Lexa fell forward with the heavy weight atop her. She landed heavily on her front on the snowy embankment, and there was a loud growl as the weight above her ripped at her thick woolen jacket. Lexa struggled, feeling claws tearing through the material of her clothes, but the cougar was much too heavy despite her desperate attempts to upend him.

In pure desperation, she threw a hard elbow backwards and felt it connect with what felt like the cougar’s head. The animal snarled angrily, and she quickly withdrew the offending arm when she felt the predator sink his teeth into her shoulder. Lexa released a loud bark of pain.

The icy cold sensation of the animal’s canines in her instilled a heady fear, and she twisted her torso with a strength she did not think she had. When she turned, she was set upon by dark amber eyes that glared down at her with such malevolent hunger that she almost regretted striking the cougar on the nose with the fist of her right hand.

That only seemed to anger the cougar further, and she raised her arm to protect her neck, snow falling onto her face when suddenly there was a black shadow in the corner of her eye, and the weight was gone.

Blearily, Lexa searched for her assailant and found Bagheera standing in front of her protectively, rearing aggressively as his front hooves kicked at the cougar. The brown-coated lion snarled furiously but he did not back down, spurred on by his incredible hunger.

Lexa immediately stood and unhooked the strap on her holster, pulling her revolver from its holster. At that moment, the cougar lashed out a giant paw, striking Bagheera on the shoulder. The mustang screamed in pain, shying away and leaving Lexa unprotected for that brief flash of time. But a brief flash was all that was needed, and he leapt at her before she could even lift her left arm up to aim.

The cougar bit down hard on her forearm, and she used her free hand to beat the animal with the butt of the revolver. The animal ignored her, and she shouted in pain as the teeth tore into the muscle and tendon of her arm. Suddenly she saw Bagheera at her side, and his hind hooves lashed out, knocking the cougar off of her a second time.

Lexa scrambled to her feet, only idly noticing the blood pooling on the snow around her. Without thinking, she swung her arm up, and when the cougar recovered and began to run at her once more, she took aim and shot the animal in the shoulder. The sound of the gun spooked Bagheera, and he reared and took off down the trail in panic.

Before she could call the horse back to her, the cougar pounced at her, and swinging her arm at his quickly nearing form, Lexa fired.

 

* * *

 

 

Coal was plodding along, his steps heavy with fatigue as Luna perched tiredly atop. Ahead, Gustus patted Blaze’s neck. It was completely silent, and about a few hours since they’d been out on the range. The barrage of snow had stopped for now. The surrounding vista was like a tomb, silent and foreboding. No birds chirped, no sign of wildlife. No sign of the girl either. She had radioed in to Constable Ryan earlier, and by the dull note in his voice she had a feeling the other teams had come up short as well.

Lexa had gone to check on something higher up from the trail forty minutes ago. Gustus had assured Luna that she probably was on her way back, and Luna rubbed her cold nose. Coal’s head was low, and she rubbed his shoulder. The horses needed some rest. Feeling her stomach rumble, Luna reached blindly into her saddlebag to retrieve a protein bar. The crinkle of the wrapping was the only other sound she could hear as she took a bite into it, hungrily consuming the food without much thought.

She heard galloping hoofbeats approaching quickly, and she craned her neck around. It was Bagheera. But he was bleeding on the shoulder, his blood staining his black coat. And he was riderless.

“Gus!” Luna shouted, worry filling her voice. Where was Lexa?

 

* * *

 

Clarke watched fondly as Krysta played fetch with Rossi in the living room, Gwen stretched out asleep on the couch as How the Grinch Stole Christmas played in the background.

She looked out the window. It was 2pm, the snow had briefly stopped falling, and she still had received no update from Jake or Octavia about the status of the missing child.

She heard the door open and shut, and a loud sigh. Clarke looked over at the kitchen from the rocking chair. Anya.

The pregnant woman sat heavily on the kitchen chair, running her hands through her hair tiredly.

“How’s it going out there?” Clarke approached her, padding quietly on the heated hardwood floor. Anya tilted her head on the back of the chair.

“Nothing, no sign from any of the teams.” Anya scratched her scalp with one hand, her other rubbing her belly. Clarke looked the woman up and down. She was exhausted, and by the look of it, her ankles were probably sore.

“Why didn’t you just go home?” Clarke asked, and Anya laughed humorlessly.

“Lexa’s out there.” Anya said. “I can’t leave without her.” She ran her hand through her strands of dirty blonde hair. “And if I went back home I’d probably drive Indra nuts with my pacing.” Anya rubbed her belly affectionately. “She’s been moving a lot lately, and only Lexa’s presence seems to calm her down.” The way she said the brunette’s name so warmly and sharing such an intimate relationship with her made Clarke envious.

“You and Lexa seem very close.” Clarke said, attempting to be casual. Anya caught on though, and she eyed Clarke critically.

“You would be close with her too, if you hadn’t messed it up.” Anya was not known for beating around the bush, and Clarke winced at the sharpness of her tongue.

“I know, thanks for reminding me.” Clarke retorted. She played with her fingers. “Would you like some tea?” She asked. Anya nodded, and she filled the kettle with water from the tap before she set it on the stove and turned it on to boil water.

Anya watched her putter about, and she twirled her hair absently. “Raven says hi, by the way.”

Clarke smiled, turning to lean her hip against the kitchen counter. “I haven’t seen her in years.” Clarke said wistfully. “So she’s finally back, eh?”

“For good.” Anya confirmed. “She wasn’t 100% on board about the baby, but we’re working on it.”

“Right.” Clarke’s eyes flitted briefly to Anya’s belly. She remembered the day when Abby had come home, announcing that she had seen Anya’s pronounced belly and wondering who she had it with.

No one knew exactly what happened, just that one day Raven had left town without a word and Anya had been tight lipped about it. And two months later, Anya was pregnant and Lexa was back.  Clarke crossed an ankle over the other as she waited for the water to boil, eyes switching from the television to Anya. It continued for a few more minutes before Anya had to complain.

“Stop looking at me like that.” Anya interrupted her musing. “You’re making me uncomfortable.” She glared at the blonde, who had the sense to look away politely. The two women had known each other for years, and Clarke knew when not to push her.

“Chamomile?” She asked instead, and Anya hummed her thanks. Clarke went through the motions, pulling down a cup from the cabinet and the tea bag from the pantry. The kettle whistled, and Clarke poured the water into the mug and set it down in front of Anya on the table, taking a seat across from her.

“You’re wondering why Raven left, aren’t you?” Anya broke the mildly uncomfortable silence.

Clarke was silent for a few heartbeats. “Only if you’re comfortable sharing it.” She said, quickly looking to the living room. Krysta was cuddled up to Rossi, the two of them settling down for a nap after playing most of the afternoon.

“She didn’t want kids.” Anya said bluntly. She took a sip of the hot tea, jaw clenching as if her body was working to keep her from confessing. Clarke knew not to look at the other woman, that it would only make her antsy, so instead she retrieved a tin of biscuits from the pantry and after taking one for herself, pushed it across the table to her.

Anya took one daintily, inspecting it carefully. “When she left, I flew down to Vancouver and got inseminated.” She nibbled on the biscuit halfheartedly.  “I didn’t want to wait around anymore.” Anya reasoned in response to the unspoken question, and Clarke murmured lightly in response.

“What about Lexa?” She asked, and Anya stretched out her booted feet under the table.

“Two weeks after I was confirmed to be pregnant, I freaked out and told her everything.” Anya explained, her voice low. Distantly, the firewood crackled, and Clarke gestured encouraging to the older woman.

“So she came back to help you.” Clarke said, and Anya inclined her head.

“And now Raven’s come back, and she’s still a little iffy about this.” Anya gestured at her belly. “But Lexa pulled her aside a few days after she returned, and she’s been supportive ever since.”

Clarke raised her eyebrows in surprise, and the two women sat nibbling on biscuits, both unsure of what else to say. “I wonder what she said to Raven.” Clarke said after a heartbeat, and Anya grinned.

“Me too.” She agreed as she sipped her tea. Clarke stretched her arms above her head, yawning tiredly.

“Well I’m glad you two have patched things up.” Clarke said, referring to Raven. “It’s been nice to have my best friend in the same cell range.” Anya chuckled good-naturedly.

“And you and Lex could do the same.” She suggested. Clarke grinned and rolled her eyes, but her chest swelled with warmth. This was the first time Anya had ever implied her approval of their relationship, and that only made her more aware of her absence in her life as of recent weeks.

“I wonder when she’ll be back.” Clarke mused. She missed Lexa dearly, and she hoped and prayed that she would be receptive enough to talk when she returned.

“They’ve been gone for a while.” Anya agreed. “But they’ll have to give the horses a break, they’ll be back soon.”

Clarke bit back her anxiety, her leg bouncing restlessly. Anya eyed her warily. “Have the two of you talked things out yet?” She asked, and the blonde shook her head.

“I told her I’m not getting back together with Niylah though.” Clarke offered. She bit her lip. “I wanted to tell her more, but she was in a hurry to get going.” She rubbed her forehead. “And we were interrupted by Niylah, who always has the worst timing.”

“She’s a bitch.” Anya commented. “Why would you let her come back to live with you?” She asked.

“She has a right to see her kids.” Clarke sighed. “And I never saw her as anything but an ex-partner. I didn’t even think that she was trying to come back for me.”

“But she did.” Anya observed. “What are you going to do about it?” Anya crossed her arms, a challenge in those brown eyes as she appraised the blonde.

But before Clarke could answer, there was a commotion at the door. Jake burst through, his expression panicked.

“Dad, what’s going on?” Clarke jolted onto her feet, Anya doing the same with a low groan as she rubbed her sore ankles.

“It’s Lexa.” Jake said as he stepped into the kitchen and reached for the landline to call Indra. “She’s missing.”

“What?”

“How?” Both Clarke and Anya asked, and Jake dialed the number for Birch River.

“Luna told me she went to investigate higher up in the backcountry not far from the trail-”

“That idiot!” Anya exclaimed.

Clarke felt her heart clenching in panic. “Do they know roughly where she might have gone?”

Jake shook his head. “They just found her horse, galloping after them. He was bleeding on the shoulder, claw marks.” He said, voice shaking.

Clarke hugged herself tightly, her heart in her throat and her body trembling. She looked outside. Vaguely, she noticed that the blizzard had begun anew.


	8. Chapter 8

 

The first sensation Lexa experienced after her ears stopped ringing was the feeling of blood dripping onto her chest. The cougar smelled heavily of death and carrion, and disgusted by the scent, Lexa pushed at it until she managed to shove it off of her and onto the snow.

The revolver was still in her hand, and she holstered it as she lay there trying to recover from getting body slammed and crushed by a 220 pound cougar.

Her arm and shoulder were pulsing in pain. Vaguely, Lexa noted that her head was cold, and as she lifted her left hand up to adjust her hat, she realized that it was gone.

Gingerly, Lexa pushed up into a sitting position and tried to remember the events that had led up to her current predicament . Bagheera was gone, and so was her hat. The snow had stopped falling, but she felt no warmer. In fact, she could feel snow in her back and boots, the chill driving a pang up her spine as she tried to recollect herself.

She took in her surroundings, and Lexa could not determine where she was. It definitely wasn’t a place that she had gone before, in all her years riding up here. So she was lost, in the middle of nowhere, with not a single man or beast in sight. _Shit_.

Carefully, Lexa stood and limped over to a nearby tree and sat against the trunk. She rested her head against the bark with a thud, closing her eyes briefly as she tried to figure out her next move.

As she was trying to figure out where to find shelter, she heard it again. That high pitched cry. Lexa shakily brushed her hair away from her face and slowly got to her feet. With unsteady movements, one hand gripping tightly to her bleeding forearm, Lexa sluggishly moved towards where she presumed the noise was coming from.

She had only just went around the bend in the woods, every corner of the forest looking as same as the last, when she caught sight of a small shape rustling around in the bushes. Lexa had a hand on her revolver, and she carefully stepped forward, as the noise became more decipherable.

It was the cries of a little girl in pain. Lexa took in the sight, momentarily horrified. It was Rose Collins, her body trembling in the cold, arms wrapped tightly around her bundled legs. But what truly made Lexa’s blood curl was the glint of steel around Rose’s left foot.

Around the girl’s boot, blood leaking from around the metal teeth, was the receiving end of a vintage wolf trap. Those things had been outlawed by the conservation office years ago, and even with the snow covering most of it, Lexa could see parts of it covered in rust and she knew that the girl’s life could be on the line. Lexa could see bits of pale skin stained with blood, the leather of Rose’s boot gnashed and gnarled where the teeth had been firmly lodged.

“It’s okay.” Lexa put both hands in front of her, palms skyward to show Rose she wasn’t there to harm her. “I’m going to help.” She said. The girl’s brown eyes only barely registered her words, the agony of the steel trap too much for her to even comprehend that a rescuer was standing but a few feet away.

Lexa cautiously sidled up to the girl, and with both hands still hanging to her side, her right arm throbbing, she examined the trap. The levers on either side of the object were covered in rust, and she could just spy the anchor point of the trap not far from where the girl had huddled in pain. It was much too heavy to simply dig up the anchor and carry her, and depending on how long she had been stuck, tetanus was an all-too pressing concern. She would have to free her.

“Okay.” Lexa repeated. She crouched down in front of Rose and used her good hand to brush at her chin and wipe away some fresh tears from her ruddy cheek. “I’m just going to push down on each side here.” Her yellow working gloves had been stained with blood, and she hoped the girl wouldn’t notice as she gripped either lever with her fingers as her palms stabilized the base of the trap. The girl flinched slightly when her finger accidentally touched her foot, and Lexa apologized with a quick hum as she eyed the trap, making sure she was doing all the right things.

“This is going to hurt,” Lexa began, “but once I pull, I need to yank your foot out of there, okay?” She glanced up at Rose. The girl nodded, and with one last nod to herself, Lexa pulled. Rose screamed in pain, but she instinctively pulled her foot away from the trap, and Lexa let the metal teeth snap together.

The girl’s foot was bleeding from two of the teeth having impaled it, and as Lexa examined the entry wounds, she pulled her scarf off from around her neck. “I’m just going to take off your boot and wrap it up.” She said gently, and her hands were careful to tug slowly at the mangled boot until it came free. Rose let out a small whine, but Lexa paid her no mind. Instead, her hands moved as quickly as they could as she wrapped the scarf around her foot, keeping the pressure tight but not tight enough to cut off circulation.

“There, all good.” Lexa attempted a smile, but Rose looked absolutely miserable, so the brunette pulled her into her arms. She rested her chin on the girl’s head, feeling her tremble – both from the pain and the chill of the evening air.

Just then, Lexa felt something cold touch her forehead. It was snowing again. Lexa clenched her jaw and cast her eyes around them. They needed to find a place to take cover if they were to survive.

“I want my mom.” Rose’s voice was hoarse from crying, and Lexa’s hold on her tightened despite the pull in her arm.

“I’ll get you to your mom, don’t worry.” Lexa promised, but it their situation was getting more and more bleak. Just as Lexa was about to give up and attempt to burrow them under the bushes, she saw something in the corner of her eye.

It was small, and likely abandoned. Nestled between the shelter of dirt and boulder was a small hollowed out space. It was better than nothing.

Slowly, Lexa pulled Rose close to her body until the girl had instinctively wrapped her legs around her torso.

Lexa stood unsteadily. Uninjured and with a full night’s rest, Lexa would have easily born the weight of the girl. But now, with what felt like a few cracked ribs and that crushing sensation in her chest, Lexa struggled as she carried her.

When she reached the mouth of the alcove, Lexa lowered Rose to the ground and nudged at her to go in. She could see into the end, it wasn’t very deep. If she was going to get Rose back in one piece she would need to stay warm. Gingerly, Lexa removed her outer jacket and wrapped it around Rose, who had curled up from the cold. Lexa felt the air bite at her like a thousand teeth as she positioned herself close to the mouth of the hollow to keep the warmth in. Using one hand and her own teeth, she ripped away an edge of her tee shirt under her layers and wrapped her still-bleeding forearm with it as best she could.

She couldn’t reach the bite on the back of her shoulder. Resigned, Lexa rested her head on the cold surface of the boulder, her legs pulled up against her chest.

Her eyelids felt incredibly heavy, but Lexa fought to keep them open. But as the snow fell, covering the ground that she had just cleared, Lexa shut her eyes for just a second and thought of the crackling of a fireplace, sheets warmed by the comfort of another body, and the blonde hair and blue eyes that went with it.

 

_“Thanks for having an early lunch with me.” Clarke settled onto the picnic blanket, her shoulder brushing against Lexa as she sat next to her._

_“No problem.” Lexa grinned as she handed the blonde a wrapped sandwich. The woman took it with a smile and dug in hungrily, to Lexa’s amusement._

_Clarke had texted her a few hours earlier asking if she had time to hang out today. Since it was Lexa’s day off – Luna had offered to go ranging by Empire Valley in her place, Raven had taken Anya into town to shop for a baby stroller, and Indra had rode out with Gus and Echo to check on the herd – she had readily agreed._

_So here they were, Lexa having arranged to have a picnic by the creek outside the Birch River farmhouse on a surprisingly pleasant fall day. The sun was shining, the leaves were orange, and the few birds that still haven’t made the journey south were chirping._

_As Clarke finished off her sandwich, Lexa was content to simply enjoy the serenity of the early afternoon. She could see Tenuem and Ginger grooming each other, their tails swishing. Beyond the pasture, Bagheera grazed calmly. He had settled in with the herd quite well, shrewdly courting the lead mare, a red grulla Quarter Horse named Athena – Anya’s mount._

_On the patch of grass outside the barn, Red and Dusty were play fighting while Shadow watched on. It was a peaceful afternoon, idyllic. It was the kind of afternoon cowboys sang about when out on the range with nothing but their horse as company._

_Clarke rested her chin on Lexa’s shoulder. “Whatcha thinking about?” Her breath puffed against the shell of Lexa’s ear, and the brunette put an arm around her waist._

_“Oh, not much.” She stretched out her legs, wriggling her toes in her boots. “Just how nice this weather is, how I never had this sort of down time down in Arlington.”_

_“Well you also didn’t have a hot blonde texting you to play hooky with her.” Clarke pointed out as she pressed a kiss to Lexa’s neck, nose brushing against her pulse._

_“I don’t know about that.” Lexa said, frowning with seeming thoughtfulness, and Clarke nudged her in the ribs with her elbow._

_“Jerk.” Clarke retorted, but she softened it with another kiss, teasing and feather light on Lexa’s cheek._

_Lexa attempted to angle herself to catch a kiss, but Clarke kept swerving to anywhere but her lips. Neck, cheek, collarbone, sternum. Until Lexa suddenly pulled Clarke around to her other side, trapping her between the blanket and her body. Clarke laughed at Lexa’s playfulness, and as she looked at the brunette, she saw affection and a sweet tenderness, tinged with desire._

_Lexa leaned down, and this time Clarke did not deny her, a hand cupping Lexa’s cheek as they made out like hormonal teenagers, swept up in the depth of their feelings. The kiss got heated quickly when Lexa opened her mouth and Clarke licked inside for a taste. Clarke reached one hand down to the waistband of Lexa’s jeans, unbuttoning and teasingly running a finger across the top of her underwear._

_It was intoxicating, and Lexa suddenly remembered that they were in the middle of the field, out in the open and about to engage in activities that definitely should not be done in the open._

_She pulled away, and when Clarke opened her mouth to protest, hair fanned out behind her like a halo, Lexa pulled her up. “Let’s go inside.” Lexa suggested, and Clarke, whose eyes were dark with lust, nodded eagerly._

_When they had finally finished, Lexa lay flat on her back. She was breathing heavily, and as Clarke kissed her way up to Lexa’s chest, she rested her chin on her shoulder and smirked._

_Lexa surged up and kissed her, and she could taste herself on the blonde’s lips. Clarke sighed into the kiss, one arm thrown out across Lexa’s waist. When they parted for air, Lexa chuckled lightly._

_“What?” Clarke raised an eyebrow, and Lexa shook her head in amusement._

_“I never expected to be the kind of person to have sex in the middle of the day.” She said, and Clarke dropped a gentle kiss to her shoulder._

_“Me too.” She mumbled into Lexa’s skin. Lexa moaned as she felt the tip of Clarke’s tongue, and she freed a hand from where they had been tightly gripping the sheets to brush at the skin on Clarke’s hip._

_Clarke moaned appreciatively when her fingers wandered, touching her in all the right places, and as Lexa rolled onto her front, Clarke beneath her as she continued to probe and touch at all the sensitive areas that Clarke had yearned for contact, Lexa felt her heart expand. And as Clarke came all over her fingers, stroking to gently bring her down from her high, Lexa knew._

 

* * *

 

The river was frozen solid. There was no sign of life, just wind and snow blowing against Clarke’s face. Her nose was cold, and her gloved hands gripped Vixen’s reins tightly. The horse clopped through the trail, the snow up to her chest as she plowed her way after Jake and Octavia. Even the bear dogs they had borrowed from Birch River, Dusty and Shadow, were relatively quiet as they sniffed and trotted ahead of the riders, their black and white fur fluffed up against the cold.

They had tacked up and hit the trail the instant Jake had given them the news. And now, with her fingers feeling the bite of the arctic air and her body feeling the cold even in the layers and layers, Clarke had never felt more worried. In these conditions, staying out for longer than even a few hours could be deadly.

“Hey,” Octavia sidled up to her, eyes awash with concern, “you doing okay?”

“Obviously not.” Clarke responded honestly. “We need to find her, O.”

“I know.” Octavia assured her, and Clarke sighed and rubbed her face, trying to stop herself before she lost it. She couldn’t break down right now, not when they were on the trail, attempting to find the love of her life. There was still hope, and until there wasn’t, Clarke refused to cry.

There was a crackling sound from her saddlebags, and Clarke reached in for it. “This is Clarke.”

“You find anything?” Anya’s voice was patchy, but Clarke could still detect that note of panic in her voice.

“Not yet, but we’ve still got time before it gets dark.” Clarke tried to hide the shakiness in her tone. Octavia reached out to squeeze Clarke’s shoulder bracingly, nodding.

“Well let me know if you do find anything.” Anya requested before she cut the transmission abruptly.

Clarke sighed. There was no end in sight. Only piles and piles of snow and ice, and no trace of Lexa or Rose Collins.

Jake swung Beau around, the two of them cantering down the path to his daughters. “No sign so far,” He said, using a gloved hand to rub at his moustache. “We’re going up the side of the embankment, then crossing to the ridge to see if she might be there.” He puffed, his nose red. “We’ll probably stay out here for a little while longer, then we gotta get back, it’s too dangerous to be out here for so long.”

“Too dangerous for us?” Clarke snapped incredulously. Her eyes were ablaze with fury. “A ten year old girl, and Lexa, are out there.” She waved her hand wildly. “And you want to go back home?”

“Clarke I didn’t mean it that way.” Jake put both hands out beseechingly.

“They’re out there, probably freezing, and we have to find them!” Clarke shouted, tears stinging at her eyes. Octavia rubbed her forearm in an attempt to soothe her.

“It’s okay, we’ll find her.” Octavia promised, and Clarke couldn’t help the dry sob that tore across her throat in her desperation to breathe, inhaling the icy air with immediate regret. She shook her head, hanging it tiredly.

“I _need_ to find her.” Clarke repeated hoarsely. She white knuckled the reins, feeling her fingertips dig into her gloved palms. “There are things I haven’t said to her, that I need to tell her.”

“And you will.” Octavia said encouragingly. Jake nodded, and wordlessly urged Beau ahead once more.

Clarke wiped at her eyes, and after assuring Octavia that she was okay, the other girl brought Harley down the trail after Jake. Clarke looked up at the sky. Snowflakes landed on her face, feather-light but icy cold despite it melting as soon as it touched the heat of her skin. They were going to find her. She _had_ to find her. All at once, she recalled the conversation she had with Niylah before they had left the ranch.

_“I don’t understand why you think you’re equipped to go out there.” Niylah was saying as she trailed after Clarke, whose nervous energy was her best ally as she tightened the cinch and deposited an emergency blanket and some heat packs into her saddle bags._

_“Clarke stop.” Niylah reached to grab Clarke’s hand, but the blonde jerked out of her grasp and swung to Vixen’s other side to adjust the stirrups._

_“Clarke, our kids are worried, you can’t just risk your life for some random woman-”_

_“It’s Lexa!” Clarke snapped, finally whipping her electric blue gaze to stare her ex-wife down. “I love her, and I am going to get her back, whatever it takes.” She left no room for argument, and by the look of Niylah’s shell-shocked expression, she didn’t need to say anything else._

_So instead, Clarke swung up into the saddle and gathered the reins. But before she could go, Niylah put a hand out on the saddle horn. Her expression was resigned but earnest._

_“You really love her?” She asked quietly. For the first time since she’d come back, Clarke saw Niylah for who she really was. A woman who had loved her, and a woman she had once loved in return. A kind, understanding woman who once had put the needs of their family first, but was swept up and changed by the mirror of her own successes._

_“I do.” Clarke confirmed, voice strong as she said the words. “I love her, and if you stop me, I won’t be the only one regretting this day.”_

_Niylah sighed, her eyes closed for a heartbeat before she opened them. She worried her lip, stepping back and relinquishing her hold on the saddle. “Then go.” She said finally. “But I want you to know that I’ll always love you, and the girls will always be the axis of my world.” She put her hands in her pockets, conceding that she had truly lost this fiery, brave woman that she met ten years ago._

_Clarke smiled weakly down at her. “You’ll always be their mother.” She said, and with a touch of her heels, Vixen was off in a flurry of snow and gravel._

And here she was, sitting astride her trusty mare in the middle of a snowstorm that simply had no comparison in its intensity. And somewhere in these hills was Lexa, likely freezing to death. With a determined expression plastered on her face, she clucked at Vixen to follow the others up the riverbank.

The sky was darkening. As much as Octavia had promised that they would be out here till they found them, Clarke knew that they could only push the dogs and the horses so far. She patted Vixen’s neck, the horse faring decently enough despite the tricky conditions.

Suddenly, she heard Jake shout. “Up ahead!” He kicked at Beau, who took off at a gallop and disappeared around the tree line. Clarke and Octavia were quick to follow, and when they reached him, he had dismounted.

The dogs were sniffing at a slumped figure covered in snow in the middle of a small clearing. Even with a fresh layer of snow, Clarke could see evidence of a fight. There was blood staining the snow, and Clarke felt like someone had dug their hands into her chest cavity and squeezed her heart in a pincer-grip. Before she could even think of anything else, she leapt off Vixen. Clarke ran past her father even as he shouted at her to wait as she ploughed through the snow. The large lump in the snow was unmoving.

“Lexa!” She screamed her name, and she fell to her knees before the figure. Her hands shakily moved, and she brushed the snow away frantically. There was a shade of brown, and she continued to brush at the snow until the figure was revealed. Clarke had to bite back a whine of fear. She was staring into the open, unseeing eyes of a cougar.

At once Clarke felt both a mixture of relief and anxiety. Lexa wasn’t dead. But Lexa also wasn’t here. Absentmindedly, she cleared away the rest of the snow, and her eyes immediately were drawn to a patch of frozen blood on the animal’s chest. She leaned in closer, and she could see and smell gunpowder. “She shot it.” Clarke said aloud. Whatever had happened, Lexa must have at least survived, because the cougar lay dead and she was nowhere to be found.

Jake sidled up next to her, sighing loudly. “Well that’s one mystery solved.” He said as Clarke stared at the cougar’s corpse. “It’s not her!” He called to Octavia. Jake nudged the dogs away from the dead animal, and they trotted around the clearing, noses hovering along the snow.

The veteran cowboy scanned the clearing with a practiced eye. There were signs of a struggle, but it was being quickly covered. There was blood, but it was difficult to determine if it was all from the cougar, or if it was from something – someone – else. Octavia dismounted and walked the distance of the clearing, evidently on the same wavelength as Jake. There must be some evidence explaining what had happened here.

Clarke rubbed her hands together, standing on wobbly knees. So Lexa at least must have had some energy left in her, some resolve to keep her alive. But where was she?

Suddenly Clarke heard a loud bark, and she turned her head to the source. She couldn’t see the dogs. But she also noticed that Octavia was gone too. She and Jake exchanged a worried look before they took off toward the origin of the noise.

They found Octavia a few yards away from the clearing, within a copse of trees. She was on her hands and knees digging alongside the dogs. “The dogs found something!” She shouted, and Clarke and Jake rushed over to help.

Clarke shoved her hands into the icy white powder, digging furiously until she felt her fingers meet nothing. She pulled away, confused. Then her tired brain put the pieces together. “Over here!” She called, and Jake and Octavia immediately began digging exactly where she had thrust her hands into a pocket of nothingness.

Eventually the snow revealed a small alcove, and the sole of a boot. Clarke dug until she felt like her hands were going to fall off. “Lexa?” She patted the boot, pushed aside the snow, until finally she saw a body.

It was her. The brunette looked up blearily. Even her eyelashes were frozen, and her lips were blue with cold. Her clothes were drenched in frozen blood, and she wasn’t wearing the top layer of her jacket.  Her right forearm was wrapped tightly with strips of her tee shirt, and as those green eyes adjusted to the sudden rush of light, Lexa squinted “Clarke?” Her voice was filled with disbelief, and without hesitation Clarke threw herself at the woman.

She held her close against her chest, and she could feel the other woman shivering. But she could tell Lexa wanted to say something, and she felt warm air puff against her ear. “The girl, help the girl.” Lexa gestured weakly behind her, and Octavia immediately rushed in to help Clarke pull Lexa out of the alcove. There was a sudden rush of warm air from within the hollow, and Clarke spied a tiny figure within.

Rose was curled up in the alcove, much warmer than Lexa had been, especially with Lexa’s jacket wrapped around her small frame. Jake pulled her out and carried her away quickly, and Clarke moved to throw Lexa’s arm over her shoulders to help her to the horses, but then she let out a cry of pain.

Frightened that there was something wrong internally, Clarke stopped moving. Slowly, she supported Lexa as she collapsed to the icy ground. “I-I just need a minute.” Lexa panted, and Clarke wrapped her arms around her torso to keep her warm, nodding as she brushed the brunette’s neck and cheek with her hands, making sure she was really here and not just a hallucination.

Octavia rubbed Lexa’s back. “I’m going to bring the horses over here.” She muttered before she disappeared, leaving the two women alone for now.

Lexa leaned against Clarke’s chest, shaking so hard that the blonde could feel her own body vibrating. “You’re going to be okay.” She reassured her, rubbing her arm and back. Lexa seemed to struggle in her arms, attempting to meet her eyes. Eventually she managed to crane her head, and even that miniscule movement seemed to have drained her of her last stores of energy.

“Clarke,” Lexa’s jaw clenched with effort, eyes shining with an unmistakable drive “you need to know, I l-” But anything she might have said was stopped when Clarke dipped down and kissed her.

“Don’t.” Clarke whispered the word into Lexa’s mouth. “You’re going to tell me when you’re better,” She brushed her thumb over Lexa’s cheek, “you’ll tell me when you’re warm, and not when you think you’re dying, because I’m not letting you die.” She kissed the tip of Lexa’s cold nose and pressed her forehead against the brunette’s.

Lexa trembled, but she closed her eyes and nodded. She heard the horses approaching, and Clarke helped Lexa to her feet, and with Octavia’s help she managed to get Lexa onto Vixen’s back. Clarke vaulted up after her, and she pulled out the emergency blanket and wrapped it around Lexa before sitting close until her chest was pressed against the other woman’s back.

“You’re going to be okay.” Clarke repeated it like a mantra as they started back, and Lexa’s head lolled back against her shoulder.

But even as she teetered on the line between conscious and unconscious, Lexa could not be stopped, and as they rode Clarke heard her whisper the words to her, resolute and steadfast in her meaning.

 

* * *

 

The ride back to the ranch was arguably just as frantic as the ride out. Jake had radioed Ryan earlier, and Clarke could see the ambulance waiting for them.

It was a flurry of activity as the paramedics had taken Rose and Lexa without a word. Clarke stayed at Lexa’s side, her hand never leaving the brunette’s as they loaded her up into the ambulance and began the journey to the hospital.

As the paramedics examined her, Clarke had to hide her shock as they catalogued her injuries. A bite on the forearm and shoulder, first degree frostbite. All Clarke kept hearing was how lucky she’d been. A few inches to the left and it would have nicked an artery, a few minutes longer and it would have become second degree frostbite. And as she looked at Lexa, who lay there calmly, eyes closed and her mouth covered with an oxygen mask, Clarke felt herself falling a second time. By the tightening of Lexa’s fingers against the back of Clarke’s hand, she knew that she felt it too.

 

* * *

 

When she finally woke from the nothingness of a sedated slumber, Lexa slowly opened her eyes. The room was lit by a single lamp. The steady beeping next to her told her she was in the hospital. Lexa’s eyelids were crusty as she blinked, taking in her surroundings. She was covering in a warm blanket, the fabric of the hospital gown brushing against her chest. Her forearm and shoulder was covered in white bandages, and sitting in a chair at her side was Clarke.

The blonde was curled up, her chin resting on her knees as she snored lightly. Outside, the snow had stopped falling, the dark of the night an inky black that was only accompanied by the hazy color of the streetlights outside.

She leaned her head back against the pillow, squeezing the hand that held hers. With not much else to do, her eyes already bleary and her soul feeling fuller than she had ever experienced as she looked at the sleeping blonde next to her, Lexa allowed her eyelids to close.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I went back and added a little detail regarding Lexa's backstory in Chapter 4 if anyone is interested. 
> 
> ✌


	9. Chapter 9

When Lexa woke a second time, the same lamp was glowing at her bedside and the television mounted on the wall hummed a few feet away. Lolling her head to the side, she glanced out the window; the sky was dark, but the snow had stopped falling. At this point, she wasn’t sure if it was the same day or a different one, but the main give-away was Clarke’s absence.

In her place was a pregnant lady sitting with her bare feet propped up on Lexa’s bed, scrolling through her phone casually. “Sleeping Beauty finally awake?” Anya didn’t look up from her screen, although she used one foot to nudge at Lexa’s thigh affectionately.

Lexa raised her left hand to grasp at the offending foot, glaring tiredly at her. “How’s the baby?” She asked sleepily.

“She’s doing okay, been moving around a lot more since I’ve been sitting here with you.” Anya reached out a hand to ghost over Lexa’s forehead. “We almost lost you.” She whispered, and Lexa sighed.

“I’m sorry.” She mumbled. Her arm and shoulder felt numb, and she felt pleasantly buzzed. It must be the morphine kicking in. Lexa glanced around the room. “Where’s Raven?”

“She’s driving Indra home.”  Anya said carelessly as she leaned back against the armchair.

“Indra was here?” Lexa couldn’t hide the incredulous note in her voice. The last time Indra had willingly gone to a hospital it was Lexa’ father had suffered a fatal heart attack, and since then the woman had sworn never to set foot in another one again.

“Everyone was here.” Anya informed her, leaning her elbows on her knees as she smiled wryly at her. “Gus, Luna, Octavia, Linc, Jake.” She went through the roster. “ Even Abby.” Anya added.

Lexa’s eyebrows shot up. “Really?” The last time she had seen the woman, she had openly accused her of sleeping with both Clarke and Anya, as well as insinuate that she leave town.

“Yea, I was pretty shocked too.” Anya grinned. “But she said something about being sorry she acted like a dick to you.” Lexa cocked an eyebrow at her suspiciously.

“Did she really say that?”

“Okay not in those exact words,” Anya casually smoothed out the wrinkles on the hospital blanket, “think less straightforward, but more or less meaning the same thing.”

“Huh.” Lexa chortled. “Guess she was impressed by my heroics.”

“The cougar shooting part or the rescuing of the girl?” Anya asked dryly.

“Both, preferably.” Lexa joked. She instinctively used her right hand to rub her face, but she groaned in pain. She winced as she lowered the arm, using her left hand instead to pinch at her nose.

Anya twirled with Lexa’s hair, massaging her scalp. “You really scared a lot people.” She said as she moved to massage her neck with deft hands. “Don’t ever do that again.” She requested, and Lexa nodded tiredly.

“Didn’t mean to in the first place.” Lexa leaned her head back into the pillows, closing her eyes briefly. “How long have I been sleeping?” She felt Anya hovering over her briefly, and she opened one eye to see the woman’s face inches from her, inspecting her with a particular fondness.

“Two days.” Anya kissed her cheek before she sat back and settled more comfortably in the chair. “It’s Christmas Eve.”

Lexa hummed, patting Anya’s leg. “Great way to spend it.”  Lexa joked, and the older woman chuckled as she put her legs up again and pulled out a book from her purse. The brunette cast her eyes on the television. It was some cheesy Christmas movie with a hot blonde astronomer and a rodeo cowboy.

“Hey, that’s like you and Griffin!” Anya chuckled, and Lexa rolled her eyes at her.

“She’s not an astronomer.”

“No, but she’s a hot blonde.” Lexa groaned as Anya laughed, rubbing her belly with one hand.

“Stop.” Lexa sighed. “Besides, it’s not like we’re exactly on good terms at the moment.”

“I don’t know about that.” Anya said as she kept her eyes on the television. “She told me you two talked before you left.”

“It wasn’t a constructive discussion, Anya.” The older woman poked her with her foot out of spite.

“No, but she definitely is over Niylah.” She commented, and Lexa rolled her eyes.

“Just drop it, please?” She asked. Anya acquiesced, though Lexa had to try hard to ignore the knowing glint in her amber eyes.

“All right,” Anya rubbed her belly, content with making Lexa squirm, “all I’m saying is, just listen to what she has to say.” She shot her a sideways glance. “I just want you to be happy.”

Lexa groaned. “Ugh, no the happy schtick.”

“Well I’m six months pregnant, I have to pee like every five minutes, and every two seconds I don’t know if I’m craving gherkins or chocolate, so can you let me just,” Anya crossed her ankle over the other, “just let me impart some elderly wisdom on to you?”

“Okay Yoda.” Lexa acquiesced, settling in. “What platitude would you like to recite tonight?”

Anya ignored her sarcastic barb and adjusted the buttons of her shirt instead. “I was there when you decided you wanted to go out on your own to Vancouver. I was there when you got accepted in the Criminology program at SFU, and I was with you when you told your dad you wouldn’t be coming home.”

“Is there a point to this?” Lexa asked impatiently, uncomfortable with the topic Anya had brought up.

“Shut up.” Anya snapped not unkindly before she continued. “I watched as you made every hard choice imaginable, and not once did you bat an eye in the face of all that adversity.” She crossed her arms and fixed her with a hard glare. “But when it comes to love, you are hopeless.”

“Gee, thanks.” Lexa didn’t mask the sarcasm in her voice, and Anya simply toed her hip.

“Don’t be a jerk.” Anya admonished good-naturedly. “When Costia asked you to fight for her, you gave up.” Lexa’s mouth opened in protest, but Anya put up a hand to silence her. “Don’t even deny it.” She forged on, relentless. “She wanted you to ask her to stay, but you let her go.”

“She had a job offer, I wasn’t going to let her turn it down.” Lexa argued defensively, and Anya chuckled humorlessly.

“She wanted you to make a commitment, Lex.” Anya propped her chin up with her elbow as she appraised her with amusement. “And now, when Clarke finally makes her intentions known, you’re flip flopping.”

“She’s a mother, Anya.” Lexa grunted. “She has children to think about, and I’m not sure I’m ready for that.”

“You moved halfway across North America to be here for my unborn child for Christ’s sake!” Anya laughed. “Stop using children as your excuse. Face it.”

“What, that I’m really just unwilling to commit?”

“That you’re unwilling to fight.” Anya smiled ruefully. She reached out to take Lexa’s uninjured arm in her hand. “I love you, and nothing is going to change that. But I won’t be here forever, and when you finally have found someone who actually stands you, I need you to lock that down fast.”

Lexa rolled her eyes at Anya’s dramatics. “You’re not dying Ahn, no need to play _that_ card.”

“Just humor me, okay?” Anya grinned toothily. “You were there to support me when Raven came back, now let me help you.”

“And I appreciate, I do.” Lexa patted Anya’s foot fondly. “But I’ve got this, okay?” Anya scrutinized her with squinted eyes, and the brunette cast her most convincing carefree grin as possible. “I’ve had some time to think when I was snowed in, trust me.”

“All right.” Anya said finally. She dropped her head against the back of her chair and folded her hands over her bulging belly. As if they had never had this conversation at all, Anya fixed her eyes on the television and settled in to continue watching.

Lexa exhaled loudly. If she had died, she definitely would have missed this. It was like a normal evening with Anya at the ranch house – lounging around in front of the television, exhausted and bone weary from the day’s activities. And she also would have missed meeting Anya’s baby, and what a terrible thing to imagine.

Life could very easily end, that lesson was more or less hammered into her temple by now. First with her mother, who had died giving birth to her, her brother Aden who had been swept away by the flash floods when she was twelve and he was five, and then with her father. Yet in that last moment, when her eyes had been drooping and her strength was fading, when she was heartbeats away from seeing them again, the only image that came to her was of blonde hair and blue eyes.

She didn’t dwell on why she thought of Clarke in what she had assumed was her last living seconds. She knew why. She was just compartmentalizing. So instead, she turned her attention to the cheesy Christmas movie Anya appeared so emotionally invested in. The warmth from the heater emanated through the room, creating a comfortable cocoon for the two women. These were the moments that she knew she would have missed, and so she stretched out her legs and hunkered down.

It was two movies in, Lexa feeling her eyelids drooping when there was a knock on the open door. When she looked up, she saw Clarke leaning against the threshold, a shy expression on her face.

“Clarke.” Lexa greeted her, shifting slightly to sit up. Anya put out a protective hand to help her, waving at Clarke to come in. Anya glanced at the watch on her wrist. “It’s 11:40 at night, how’d you even get in here?”

“Lincoln.” Clarke answered easily. She smiled tentatively at Lexa. “I have some visitors for you.” She warily stepped into the room, revealing Krysta and Gwen behind her. Lexa grinned tiredly at the girls.

“Hey you two.” Lexa said as they wandered in. Gwen went up to her and looked at her bandaged forearm, biting her lip. She looked nervous, and Lexa shot her an encouraging smile. “Hey, I’m okay.” Lexa assured her. “I’ll be out of here soon, it’ll be like nothing happened.”

Gwen nodded slowly, eyes fixed on the white of the bandage on Lexa’s arm before she shot her a glare. “Can you just not fight panthers anymore?” She asked, and Lexa chuckled.

“Well it was a cougar, but yes, I promise not to fight big cats anymore.” Lexa agreed, and Gwen awkwardly reached out one hand to pat at her shoulder. Lexa felt a surge of warmth, and by the shocked appearance on Clarke’s face, it wasn’t just her who was surprised by the gesture.

“I’ll make sure of it.” Anya interjected, a snide look on her features as she patted Lexa’s head. “She’s not going anywhere near wildlife until I say so.”

“Are you going home soon?” Krysta asked. She had padded up to Lexa’s side, her head propped up on her elbows as she looked curiously at her.

“Real soon.” Lexa agreed, meeting Clarke’s concerned gaze. The blonde moved to her other side, sitting on the edge of the bed.

“How soon?” Clarke asked, an eyebrow raised. “You’re not planning on leaving before you’re officially cleared are you?” Lexa chuckled nervously, shaking her head.

“Of course not.” She said, running her hand through her hair. It was her tell.

Anya noticed the tension between them, so she stood and stepped into her shoes. “Hey girls, could you accompany me to the twenty-four café down the street? I’d like to grab a tea.” She said as she stretched her arms out to the ceiling with a wide yawn.

Gwen caught on and nodded, taking Krysta by the hand. “Yea sure, let’s go.” She shot her mother a significant look, eyebrows comically forming arrows at Lexa, and Clarke waved her away in embarrassment.

When the three of them had left, Clarke looked tentatively at the brunette. She wasn’t sure how to approach her, what was appropriate, and Lexa knew it.

Instead, she let her wallow for a while longer before she offered an olive branch “How’s Rose?”

“She’ll be just fine.” Clarke said, picking at a loose thread on Lexa’s blanket. “Luckily she got her tetanus shot this year, it was just the surgery they did to fix her foot that she needed.”

“Good.” Lexa sighed, shifting a foot under the blanket. Clarke was nervous, and Lexa was not very talkative at the moment, so she let the silence descend between them.

“I um…” Clarke was the one to break the still. “I told Niylah, about us.”

Lexa hummed, but she simply waited for Clarke to continue. At this moment, knowing that she was going to live, that she wasn’t dying, she had all the time in the world. And that meant watching this woman talk, explain herself where there was no need. But she wanted to hear it, so she was silent, and gestured at her to elaborate.

“I told her that there’s a woman out there that I can’t live without.” Clarke’s words seemed stuck in her throat, her eyes swimming with tears. “I told her that I love you.” Lexa clenched her jaw tightly at the confession.

She had vaguely remembered saying something similar. When she felt herself slipping away, Clarke’s scent overwhelming her, feeling her so close, she had let the words slip. But now, with her sitting next to her, never looking more vulnerable than in this moment, Lexa couldn’t help holding back. Her walls had come up the minute Niylah had returned, and now even with the woman she loved confessing her affections, she still could not bring herself to lower them. Not yet.

“You ghosted me.” Lexa whispered, and Clarke looked away in shame.

“I did.” She sighed. “I’ve been a single, working mom for years, although if we were to draw a line in the sand, it was only last year that it became official.” The blonde brushed a stray lock of hair away from her face. “I guess I’ve gotten so used to devoting all my attention to the kids and the business, that I forgot what it’s like to be accountable to someone else other than my family.”

Lexa examined the fingers of her injured arm, poking at some parts of the bandage. “Clarke, you don’t have to explain yourself-” She started, instantly regretting asking so much of a woman who had gone through marital hell for years.

“But I do.” Clarke was undeterred by Lexa’s half-assed attempt to stop her. “I do, because I want to be with you. And I believe the only way to do that is to apologize.” Her ardent expression and that look of complete, utter vulnerability, laying all at Lexa’s feet, that was it. And the brunette could feel her walls crumbling down at the sight of the blonde’s own reservations pouring out like a burst dam.

Lexa finally met Clarke’s gaze. “I know your kids will always come first.” She sighed.

“But I deserve some happiness too.” Clarke reached out a hand, and Lexa took it gently. “The one thing I learned, when I heard that you were out there, missing in a blizzard, was all the things I wanted to say to you.” She worried her lip, tangling their fingers together.

 And now, having you here, I’ve realized that yes, my kids will always come first. But that doesn’t mean I can’t love again.” Clarke released a watery chuckle. “I mean, why can’t I, when I have already fallen in love with you?”

The corner of Lexa’s mouth turned upwards, and she released Clarke’s hand. “So what are you saying?”

“I’m saying please, give us a chance?” She sighed. “I’m sorry for not being honest about Niylah being here-” She was cut off by Lexa sliding her hand across her cheek, cupping her behind the shell of her ear.

“Stop.” She whispered. “There’s no need to apologize.” Lexa’s eyes were shining with affection, pulling at Clarke’s hand until her shoulder was pressed against Lexa’s chest. In this proximity, Lexa could see every freckle on the blonde’s face, every eyelash, and as she gazed upon those blue eyes that she had thought she would never see again.

 “I love you too.” Lexa let the words settle, an elated expression filling Clarke’s eyes. Slowly, Lexa dipped her head until their noses were brushing. She closed her eyes, reveling in the closeness they shared and the air that they breathed together.

This kiss was different than all the others that they had shared. This one brought Lexa back to the first day that she had seen Clarke. The blonde had gotten out of her car, her hair tumbling around her shoulders. The sky was a deep blue, the sun’s rays a brilliant yellow gold, but when she had laid eyes on Clarke, all those colors were outdone by the radiance that beamed off of the woman. She had taken Lexa’s breath away, and in that moment she knew that she was it.

Clarke’s lips brushed against the corner of her mouth, tentative, but Lexa raised her good hand up to Clarke’s cheek and nudged her where she was needed the most.

When Lexa finally pulled away for air, Clarke smiled affectionately at her, stroking her temple fondly. “I’ve missed you so much.” The blonde whispered, and Lexa titled her head back against the pillow and smiled blearily but said nothing, and Clarke nudged her gently. “Did you miss me?” She asked playfully.

Lexa frowned at her, looking thoughtful before she said. “Not really.” That earned a pinch on the waist and an indignant gasp from the blonde, who moved to put some distance between them, but then Lexa wrapped an arm around her torso and kept her close. Clarke immediately stopped struggling, and as they settled, foreheads pressed together and hands tangled in each other, Lexa kissed her again. It was chaste, but it was sweet, conveying everything that she felt for the blonde – anger, affection, resignation, and love- and when she pulled away, Clarke’s eyes were shining with everything and more.

Just then, Lexa heard church bells ringing in the distance, and she looked up at the clock. It was 12am, December 25th.

Clarke smiled, and kissing the brunette on the nose, she burrowed her face into Lexa’s neck. “Merry Christmas, Lexa.”

Outside, the Christmas lights were twinkling, the bells were chiming, and the stars were sparkling in the clear inky black sky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angela - The Lumineers was the soundtrack for this chapter's Clexa moment


End file.
